The denial of pleasure

I often ponder upon the question, What is at the root of our failure to interact effectively with the opposite sex? I’ve come to the conclusion that the reason has something to do with the denial of pleasure. Shyness takes away so much from us, it’s the fiercest social thief, and yet we dwell in and nurture constantly from this fountain. When it comes to pleasure, we all have been conditioned more or less to restrain ourselves. It is then of no surprise that we feel so uncomfortable in the presence of our desire. Culturally, we’re misled to believe that we shouldn’t give in to pleasure, and our feelings of inadequacy have something to do with this inner struggle between our moral views, inexperience, and our innate drive to mate and dominate. Masculinity is painted as an ogre and most males in our society have been emasculated to an astounding degree in a socially induced effort to pass off as kind and tolerant savages. To no use, really, because females can spot their pretension and fend them off mirroring the same unnatural behavior with their natural femininity as they await the arrival of a more primitive, less contrived, unabashed male.
The awkwardness we feel when we are in the presence of beauty must have its roots in infancy. As children, we were once kings of the world and we made no excuse for our behavior. Little by little, we became more sociable, for obvious purposes, and then one day we found ourselves living monotonous existences as adults. Society, in general, instills the mechanism of fear and foments the notion that we need to be financially successful, and though having money couldn't possibly hurt, the idea that with it happiness will be bought and all of our problems will be sorted out is a fallacy. Truth is, societies are not in the business of making their citizens happy; if they are to compete for supremacy and survive in the annals of history, amass wealth and prosper unrivaled, they need the most out of every single soul at their disposal. Pleasure has no place here. Take the very extreme case of it: theocratic governments, religion in general, the outlook on pleasure and fun is out of the quest, and guilt, fear, repression, anxiety, resignation, are often the real hidden agenda.
With the introduction of Christianity, Europe went centuries without bathing because the act was seen as adoration of the flesh and hence considered a sin. We may laugh at it now but we still suffer such legacy, just not as severely as in the past. Our parents were of little help, if any. Their information would probably had been too contrived, promoting abstinence, fear and men generally find themselves in a foreign land when it comes to the opposite sex. There seems to be a trace of guilt or shame when it comes to the simple action of initiating a conversation with a complete stranger. Checking her out is something we often do as soon as she turns around. We spend our entire lives wanting them, and not more than a day trying to grasp a deeper understanding of the object of our desire.
Understandably, as children, our desires were unreasonable and whenever the world did not answer to our caprice, we would normally denounce it, crying and kicking if it were necessary, in order to get our way. As adults, we may find that crying and kicking are out of the question (at least, for us males anyway) but we also have the advantage that we no longer depend on an adult to grant us permission. We could very well reign once again and claim back some of the kingdom lost to maturity. No one aside from ourselves can deny us now. So, go ahead, indulge. Part of the fun is that the vast majority of people will continue to live only to please those around them. If we are no longer masters of the universe, at least we can choose the chains to which we will be tied to and who we'll serve. Don't give up that easily; there's a world of pleasure awaiting you.

All is fair in Love and War

Imagine you wanted to subdue a powerful enemy and annihilate it completely. Will it make sense to tell your enemy the day and time in which you plan to do so? Or, perhaps, ask for permission to do so? If you want to be perceived as the all mighty, what purpose will it serve to be nice and proper? Pay attention now and listen to what happens in love when you are the first to wave the white flag and welcome the enemy into your land: You’re conquered, and no one will respect your power.
Have you ever said “hi” to anyone and get no response? Of course, you may have suffered rejection a thousand times before. It doesn’t begin in adolescence. It’s part of our formation and we come into full contact with it at a very tender age. The world around, especially our parents, have the duty to instill the social process. We become pleasers, and we no longer say things others may find offensive. And, of course, for good reason is that we do so. It’s not that we have to be troglodytes in our emotional quest, it’s just that attraction is a visceral response, a gut-wrenching feeling that can be artificially created by not being as polite as usual. Raised by women, we are most certainly vulnerable to them throughout our lives. Instead of softening our tone of voice, try keeping the same vibrant and exotic self-assured voice that you use with your friends, and don’t be as pleasing. Don’t spell out things for them completely, let them get lost when it comes to you and once they find themselves in foreign territory, strike. You don’t want to destroy them or put in place a dictatorship. Your job is to conquer them. The timing and place are a mystery. You should never say what you have in mind. Be verbally vague, physically evasive at times. Do not reveal your truest self to no one. Let them be intrigued, let them find you out, let them get lost in you. Others will rely on their imagination to make up for the lack of information, and we look always so much better in the fantasies of those who know the least of us.

Pushing bottons

If you press the botton before the door closes, the elevator stays grounded for a few seconds longer. Instead, let the door close and then press the botton to the floor you're going.
I knew this to be true, as did many other coworkers who used the same line to chat up girls like puppies flipping their tails in the hope of a verbal exchange that will boost their emasculated ego. Of course, the point is not the pitiful nature of excuses used to chat up the girls. Let's turn our focus to the elevator and pushing bottons. Since I was stationed at the lobby, the need to use the elevator was of no concern to me.
It so happened that one day I used the elevator and found myself pushing the botton before the door closed. Here I was, doing something I tried to avoid other people from doing every morning!
We can't rely much on memory.
I knew before this little incident that we must experience things we dream or talk about. But it just dawned on me then, perfectly illustrated by the circumstances, that it is not enough to know things but to try them. Even though I knew that was the case, when I was confronted by the actual situation I found myself doing exactly the opposite of what I preached. In real life, it is not so much that we do not know certain things but that we are not used to trying them for ourselves. We may talk about the excellent ideas we have but if we never try to bring them to life, they stay just as such: plain and simple ideas. The difference between those who make somthing out of themselves and those who sit around complaining about how unfair their luck is, is that the former function as if their "luck" was on their on hands and not something foreign to their condition. Having ideas is good but greatness lies in turning them into reality. We must live in practice and not merely in theory. All the self-help in the world won't change a thing if we do not attempt anything.
Life is full of possibilities waiting to be materialized. You should approach it with a sense of adventure and dare just for the thrill of it. There's no great player in sports who approaches the game without getting a little dirty or having some sweat threwn in the mix. Now do yourself a favor: start pushing all the "bottons" you find in your path; life is about pushing every single one of them. The more you push, the better off you are.
Now, it is time to stop reading and start living!

Your Allies: Strength and High Energy

It’s very simple from an evolutionary standpoint: the fittest of the male gets the best of possible partner. And how can we manipulate others into thinking that we are in high spirits if we look as if we were dragging ourselves throughout our daily routines, appear tired or anxious, and just can’t seem to be able to grab the bull by the horns and throw it down. The only way, of course, to effectively feel good about ourselves and impact others positively is by engaging in healthy and positive behaviors and leading a good life. It is not simply a mental matter; it is also a physical one.
And I can’t think of a better way to feel and look our best than exercising, meditating, dieting, in essence, living more appropriately: Look, people who eats healthy, sleep well, exercise regularly, do so in order to achieve a higher quality of life, not to be miserable. Those leading great lives do not obsess themselves with these alternatives either: a healthy athlete understands that in order to be at its optimum the most important element in any physical routine is rest.
Now I mentioned exercise and diet, and also having a good night sleep. Nothing quite as waking up refreshed and ready to start off your day: you can’t expect to feel your best if you do your worst. Surely, you’ll go out and sometimes skip an exercise routine for the sake of clubbing or pulling overtime at work. But you should take care of yourself by making time to exercise and watch carefully what it is that you put in your mouth with the intention to digest. This may sound like New Age stuff to some but the reality is that how we feel has a lot to do with what we eat. Nowadays, whenever I don’t feel at ease with myself I try to look for physiological answers rather than social ones. In other words, our ailment is of a physical and mental descending and not the result of something outside your realm.
Meditation, it may sound tricky or a bit extravagant but in reality those who feel that way is because they have never tried it effectively. I like to think of meditation as a way of cleansing ourselves of all worries and anxiety that daily life is full of. Exercise, well, is pretty self-explanatory. The fact is the opposite sex is far more attracted to someone who is physically fit than to someone who isn’t. A healthy mind in a healthy body, says a Latin proverb. In other words, there’s a very close relationship between how we feel and how we look. And nothing worth telling for generations comes from laziness, inaction or the lack of resolve.
Life is in the action. So stop reading and start moving, interacting, and feeling good. There’s really no reason not to.

The Obstacles: Rejection

I don’t think that most men who become successful with women are always successful. What I think happens is that they see favorable outcomes and do not stress where they fail. Like great boxers, once beaten, always find excuses for their short-comings. Take me, for instance. Out of all the times I tried, there’s no denying that I have failed. Many experts on the subject dedicate a portion of their time in minimizing the risk of failure. I do no such a thing. It’s not that I want my disciples to fail. It’s that I want them to see what they’re missing out as a result of their fear of rejection.
We all have a sense of privacy that we need to preserve. It’s what some called our “personal bubble”; well, let’s burst it, shall we? I mean, think about it. What is it that we are afraid of anyway? That a girl could get nasty as we approach her? That humiliation is the prize to get her. In other words, you not only have to take a shot at her. You have to assume that success would be the result. But what if things go awry? Okay, hold on to your manhood… this is where the real men are differentiated from the boys.
See, instead of assuming success, why not start by picturing the worst case scenario. I will begin.
At a club, last week, I saw a girl that I liked and on purpose I bumped against her without looking back. Her friend pulled me back and demanded me to say that I was sorry. “I never say ‘I’m sorry’”, I said with a straight, defiant face. The girls were not expecting that and so the one who had been pushed confronted me by placing herself in front of me and grabbing me by the shirt. “I don’t fight with girls but I’ll make it up to you” I told her in the same calm, self-assured, masculine, I-don’t-give-a-crap tone: “You look like you want to hit me. So, go ahead” I said and offered her my arm. She accepted the challenge. “Hit me as hard as you can, go ahead” I told her. She did. I swallowed the blow and said to her, kind of mocking her: “You hit like a girl.” She was furious so she hit me again. I grabbed her hand in mine and held her there, and then I took her against the wall sort of dancing, pressing against her. My friend Michael was shocked that she did not fight back. In fact, she seemed playful and willing, and we were making out a little while later.
Oh, that’s right, I was looking for rejection. Well, I have been known to say things like: “Listen honey, if you want to take a crack at my self-esteem, you’re just gonna have to try a lot harder than that.” Also, yesterday, a girl walking her dog: I told her that she shouldn’t let her dog pull her around. She said that the dog was spoiled with a very rude attitude. “Yeah, I see, your personality is extending through the cord all the way to the poor animal”, and she asked me defiantly if I was trying to be rude. “No” I said. “I think you’re doing a great job yourself on that department.” See, my advice, don’t fear them. Don’t be rude either. Just keep centered and treat them like you would if they were five years old –which

The Obstacles: Poor Hygiene

And that includes bad breath as well. I mean, politeness in society goes as far as not being able to tell another person that they have bad breath (yes, again) or that they basically stink! Now, I don’t know about you, the reader, but I consider this to be very rude. Not only the fact that someone might have bad breath or a horrendous body odor which may not necessarily come from the mouth but also that we should suffer them silently and not say a word about them.
What is it about most of us men that more often than not we look like we just got out of bed and dragged ourselves unto the streets without bathing or putting on clean clothes? Many times is not only that we look so but more like we are or do so. Let’s face it: cleanliness is not our forte. Which is why any man smelling and looking and being clean is not only hard to find but he usually stands out from the crowd. So take two showers a day if you must, wear some tasteful cologne and be very clean. In case you haven't notice dirty nails are an automatic turn-off for many girls, unless of course you are a very sexy mechanic or rock star. Then be as dirty as you want: the job demands it! But otherwise, please, smell and be clean.
You shouldn't use pants more than three times and never in a row! You should never use the same pair of underwears! You should have several tee-shirts.
Another thing that is noticeable is if your clothes are well taken care of. Look, brand names cost dearly because they are usually of a better quality. So instead of getting two cheap pair of jeans, buy yourself a great pair once a month. It is better to have eight great pair of jeans that not only will last you longer but also make you look much better than having a whole bunch of cheat jeans.

The obstacles: Desperation

What we suffer is an addiction to women. It is not a harmless addiction and like all vices it can only add to our misery. Culturally, we grow up surrounded by them but somewhere along the road we drift apart and boys are known to have no respect for their young rivals anymore than they have it for other boys. Since little, all that matters is to be ripe for the competition. Then somewhere in our teenage years, hormones kick in and we are drawn to one another in a way that takes us by surprise. The desire that we feel for them is very unrealistic. Emotions tend to be exaggerated because otherwise our drive to reproduce could be in jeopardy. We should understand our emotions if we want to be successful with the opposite sex. Take hunger, for instance. When we are hungry, we don’t simply say things like “Gee, I guess I’ll have a snack and a plate of fruits”, no, no. We say things like “I’m starving!” or “I got to eat now!” Of course, it’s not starvation what we’re faced with. It’s a far cry from it. But our emotions, if they are to be met, have to demand more of ourselves.
Of all the women we see on a daily basis, we get to meet one or two at most, and that is if we are any good at. Of the ones we get to talk to and meet again, one out of five, maybe, will make time to meet us again. So why is it that we treat member of the opposite sex that we find attractive as a potential mate, and never stop to question our motives in the eyes of our desire. It seems like we are in too deep way too soon; in fact, our overwhelming interest has nothing to do with the subject at sight. It is more a reflection of our frustrated self, a lack of some sort, an instinct, an irrational drive to mate. In a way, it is a natural response. Otherwise, we would never get a chance at procreating.
So what is the alternative? Desperation is a bad sign but it is as natural as defecating in our pants. The thing is to rehabituate ourselves, it takes time, discipline and some effort. Life is complex. So don't assume that you should overcome your desire immediately, and instead try to rationalize your response and attempt a calmer response. Imagine the powerful metaphor of water. You have to be neutral, like cool water. If someone jumps in you, you can't be too hot or too cold. Chances are that by nature you are steaming, so focus on making a cooler spectrum overall.

The Obstacles: Shyness (Part Two)

There was a remote time in which I was shy. Actually, shy is an understatement. It was more appropriately a pathological case. I remember back in high school a pretty petite girl whom I liked. The problem was, well, she liked me too. She’d call me home –I don’t know where she got my number from –and demand to know why I didn’t want to come to the phone. I’d see her coming down the corridor and I’d make a wild obvious turn just to avoid bumping into her. She’d scream out my name as I disappeared on a nearby corner. Luckily for me, her madness didn’t last long.
Another gorgeous girl –whom was voted among the best looking and popular one list in the yearbook contest –made friends with me one afternoon in the library. Her aim, of course, was not to seduce me and lead me out of the feeling of awkward feeling of being inadequate. She had other plans in mind for me: I was a prosperous A.P. (Advanced Placements) student in an elite class, known as a book-worm, and though tall and fairly good looking there was a Clark Kent quality to me. This drop-dead gorgeous was the ideal of every child-man fantasy: she took the initiative and was unbothered of the deprecations of her actions on her popularity. It was, I think, part of what made her more popular. She was always surrounded by prodigious beings that helped her get the academic results she was really after. One day, out of the blue, she asked me if I wanted to dance Tango with her. What she didn’t say was that the dance would be part of a festivity to be celebrated in front of the whole school body. I accepted, without that pompous attitude typical of the inexperienced kind. Now that I think about it, it was all I had going for me: the unimpressed attitude. In time, I became so close with this girl and from all of the time we took to learn Tango, we just danced meringue. We spent so much time together and laughed and joked that the possibility of us going beyond was just a matter of time. In one occasion, she held my hands and asked me if there was anything I'd like to tell her.
Girls would never make it any easier than that. Still I held back, and excused myself out of the situation.
Another opportunity manifested itself the day of the festivity. We danced Tango in front of a large crowd -something I'd be skeptical of doing even today, and yet, when it came to the time of asking her out (which was the equivalent back then of making a move), I backed down again. This time she even took the initiative to make sure we are safe from the crowd in an upper floor, alone, just the two of us. We sat on the stairs and I didn't say a word!
She finally broke off our friendship and went out with the teacher's son, and in my mind there was no way I could compete with that! Years later, when we were still friends, I felt comfortable enough to tell her how I felt for her back then. Sitting in the same living room that years before she held my hands in hers, she said: "You should've told me. I would've gone out with you. Of course!" That really did it for me.
I remember thinking to myself purposefully: "From now on, I won't be shy anymore." As if it really was up to me, I said it loudly in my head and I repeated it again over and over. That was more than a decade ago. Still today I find it the beginning of something great. I'm still working on it, though. Wherever I see shyness, I kill it. It's a process. It never ends.

The Obstacles: Shyness (Part One)

The other night my high school friend called me and we went out as many other weekend nights. Unusually, I felt like I was not up to the task. See, I kind of see now why guys who are good with girls avoid this type of friendship. They may give them advice but in the end they go solo since it’s a lonely sport. Unless, of course, there is someone else who happens to be a quality hunter: then forces can be joined. Let’s proceed.
We all are somewhat reserved or, as some may call it, shy. It is necessary to give other people space and exercise some discretion, especially in our handling of the opposite sex. The idea is simpler than it seems. Instead of proving that you are the man by building up the courage to step to the plate, you relax and let the world around you feel your presence. It should say about you that you are not desperate, for one. That is a big “one”, so we’ll leave it at that. It should not take you the entire night to seem at ease and comfy in your own skin. But for the sake of developing this trait you may want to go out one night and decide to spend it effortlessly as a spectator. When you learn gradually how to be more yourself, and respond to things more naturally, you will have abolished that inner voice that always finds an excuse for you to take action: shyness. Once you feel more comfortable, you will make others around you comfortable with you. Acceptance begins by first accepting yourself. And establishing a level of comfort for others to notice should not take you more time than drinking slowly a couple of beers.
As I was saying, my friend decided that the first pub we ventured in had too many people talking and no action. He said so despicably, as if the whole environment was a conspiracy against his state of mind. A few minutes before in the car, he had complained about a cab driver that got in his way on the road.
Once we got to the place that we originally planned for, he observed that there were at least two guys for every girl in there. Granted, the place was packed with guys and the odds were against us. I said to him, “Even if there is one girl and a hundred guys, we still have a chance.” He denounced me as we had gone out a weekend ago and nothing had happened. In other words, he thought of me as just a talker. That did it! This from a guy who basically relied on me to get the girl and has seen me done so in more than too many opportunities.
“It’s all in your head, man” I told him. And I pointed out all the negative remarks he had made so far. “You’re just not comfortable with yourself so you look for the reason of it elsewhere.” I challenged him: “If I get to dance with a girl, you will buy me a drink. And if you I get a girl to dance with you, you owe me another.” He gladly accepted.
As it so happened, his negative energy has an impact on me. As a self-induced impact, I thought about it and decided that thinking this way had a negative effect on me. And besides, I wanted to show him who the man was, as I have shown him so many times before. As soon as he went to the bathroom, I asked a pretty girl nearby to dance and got a shocking surprise: she was already taken! No biggie, I thought resiliently, and moved on slowly to the next target. I made my way through a crowd of timid males surrounding a beautiful group of girls. The female in charge of that small tribe of five girls said to me that she would dance with me after she drank her drink. "Ok, then" I said. And then I took her friend to dance. The other girl, the leader of the pack, gave me this perplexed look. I just kept on dancing. By the time Michael, my friend, got out of the restroom, I was already dancing and had penetrated the inner cyrcle of girls. We ended up dancing with those five girls alternatively throughout the night.
My friend proved good to his word of buying me a drink.

The obstacles: Your Mouth and the Art of keeping it Shut!

No great seducer can claim to be so without adding an element of failure and frustration to the equation, and no one can be good at anything for long if they don’t constantly search for ways in which to better themselves and their way of responding to things. In synthesis, great lovers are seldom born and more often than not suffered and created through years and years of humiliation and pain. So, I say it once more: we are all amateurs when it comes to loving.
It has taken me long to realize that the better I was at something, like writing, for instance, the more I found there always was something I could improve or learn. If we could take a look at our brains, we’d see that new connections are being made from one neuron to the next, we are growing as we learn to adapt.
What does this have to do with keeping your mouth shut? Well, for one, I never use the little things I know to impress girls. I never talk incessantly when I’m around them. In fact, I keep quiet. It creates tension and quite honestly talking is a way of manifesting your anxiety. When you talk, you break the spell of her imagination and give her in the process too many clues to figure you out. Besides, men are not talkers. Let them do the talking and the feeling, and feel free to move on to some another topic.
Some guys think that they are impressing a girl by building up the courage to talk to her. Girls are being approached all the time and in the process lost their sensibility to words. It is not what you say; it is how you say it. It is how long can you keep quiet and ignite the fire with facial gestures that exult confidence and comfortableness to you in general that will put her at ease. Mountains never feel the need to talk. Yet how powerful and majestic they appear before us.
But some guys, again, as soon as they hear this, they go and talk to their friends about it. That is not the self-restraint that we are after. In fact, a great seducer is so not so much in the way he deals with girls as he often appears to not have any particular interest in them but in the way that he deals with the rest of the world. Girls see you interacting with others way before they come to interact with you. They need the reserved type, the guy who is not going to run his mouth in public about his private affairs. And if you are the type who can’t just shut up for a minute and be around people quite, they are going to be going the other way when you come into sight. This shutting up business is not easy at all. That is also part of its seductive nature. The more you can keep to yourself and the less you seem to need of the world that surrounds you, the more you intrigue those around you and the more they want to pick at your brain and get to know what you are all about. So, shut up! Don’t go telling guys what you know before you actually put it to the test. Besides, isn’t it nice after all that this is perhaps the thing easiest to do when we don’t know how to act or what to say in a particular situation? You say more sometimes by keeping quite and giving certain look and air that you know what’s up but you are just above it all. So, again, shut up.

The obstacles: Anxiety

A girl at work wandered around the lobby in which I sat down, seemingly too busy to even notice her. She noticed me instead and said that she didn’t know whether to go to the gym or leave it for another day. Without stopping what I was doing and in a bossy tone told her to get her butt to the gym!
Living in a society like ours, it is rare the individual who has time to come to a full standstill. It is as if we were always rushing to go somewhere or stuck in a place that we don’t want to be at; as if waiting for something to happen more than happening every chance we get. That way, we are very much like animals, driven, impetuous, almost like an unstoppable machine.
Anxiety is fear manifesting itself in nervous gestures, random actions, and uncalculated movements. It is, in many instances, inescapable. Modern life is so full of stress and unncessary drama, and unfulfilled existences tend to be immersed in an ever dreamlike state. Many of us simply function around our instability, and walk so as not to offend anyone slouching, talk without an emphatic and dominant tone, and it all boils down one way or another to how we feel. We are stressed, tired, eating in a rush, with little time left for meditation or exercise.
Now, I won’t appeal to your mind in order to get rid of the anxiety you experience. That would be childish, as it is the mind the very own artifact causing. Ways to release anxiety are not limited to any particular way of thinking. You let go of the tension and stress in life much better by stimulating your mind and maintaining an active lifestyle. Couch potatoes could sit their sickness for hours that no remedy will come to them. Get up, take a walk, or make an unexpected phone call to someone you haven’t heard from in a long time. But more importantly, exercise.
Many of us will say that there is little time to exercise. Those of us who lead very busy lives know that exercising is part of our busy routines and not a luxurious venture. We make time to work out or meditate. If you lead an active life you can find ways to exercise even on your way to work, while sitting in front of the computer in your comfy chair, or by simply taking the stairs instead of the elevator. Significant physical activity soothes our anxious selves, and anyone who takes the time exercising knows well that it is not a burden. It is a great pleasure. The thing is that we rely on our minds to take a conscious attempt to incorporate activities in our daily life. If left to the intellect, we would never get off of bed. We have to do things viscerally, and stop making excuses not to be more active. Just say to yourself that you will only exercise for five minutes and once the five minutes are up, I assure you it will be a lot easier to stay for a few minutes more. The thing is to start doing it and not to think about doing it.

The obstacles: Thinking too much

I overheard two guys talking semi-loud and animatedly one night and once in a while eyeing the way of two pretty girls sitting at the bar to see if there was a reaction over their wise discussion. As it happened, the girls could figure out their intentions from miles away and found them transparent or, more appropiately, quite boring. Every once in a while, as in a trance of awe, one of the guys, the more aggressive one, would say to the next: "God, she's so fine." Again, flattery from a distance, can only flatter if a whole set of seductive skills are put forward into play, and to establish yourself as the dominant type takes more than words. In other words, flattery is fine except there are more things to the equation: not caring much for the response, being completely comfortable in your own skin, have a grace and physical eloquence, poised and treacherous.
Women are better approached if one spikes their curiosity through humor or something that makes an emotional impact. For that, you must be ready for whatever she might throw at you. She's always pushing your bottons, inflicting the pain, seeing how you respond will determine if you are the one for her. It is not their mind you are after; it is their proverbial heart.
Intelligence, undoubtedly, plays a fundamental role in our evolution as species. It is what has made this so-called modern world of ours possible. But let's not kid ourselves, deep down the very core of it, we're still pretty animalistic. Think of an orgasm: it has very little, if anything, to do with a logical process. We don't contemplate it reasonably when we are experiencing the sexual climax: we simply let go.
Now, you may memorize all of this and in the end find out that you are coming in short. You will forget this line in time. But think of this in a better way: you already know how to handle all of this that I will try, through the intellect, to show you.
Think of the things you do know well how to do. You don’t think about doing them. Most of the time, you simply do them. That is how well you know how to do stuff. The thinking process is of no consequence. If you are a car driver, you may experience what I'm talking about. You don't think about driving; you just drive.
Now, how exactly does this apply to the new set of skills you are learning here? Well, for one, it tells you that you will need to give things time and there better be some practice into it, before it comes off naturally, and you can do it with a surgical precision. Yes, you can grasp concepts intellectually and make a mental picture of the idea. But in the end, you just have to turn off that big brain of yours. It is of little use in emotional matters.

The obstacles: Fear

Everyone experiences fear, in different degrees and for various reasons. While some of us are paralyzed by it, others are encouraged. Now why is this?
Fear should be treated like a hostage-situation: you don’t just walk away from it; you work with it. Like building muscular mass, it takes time to muster the goods and still more to show off the result. The effect, however, is immediate. If there were a magic potion to meeting women, those who strive so hard to implement themselves daily would simply abandon their efforts and try the bonding pill. While many advisers show you tricks, these seem a bit offish, since most men would simply hate to follow advice to begin with and many already have an idea of what their problem is. The thing is, very few will make an attempt at it. it is then of no surprise that the "secrets" that keep us away from the life or relationship we want will only belong to the willing and determined kind. So what to do with this fear of ours? One thing comes to mind: show it who the boss is. You will agree that there are irrational fear other people suffer. I, for instance, am afraid of flying. It has little to do with logic. In a single day, there are more airplanes in the sky than the ones that have fallen from it in two decades! So the chances of dying a spectacular death are close to almost winning the lotto. Now that is not to say that you can’t be the lucky one to win that ticket. It just means that the scenario of that ever taking place is highly unlikely, to say the least.
Now you can talk all you want about how irrational is to feel certain types of fear. Like being afraid of spiders, or getting out of your house, or flying. But the only thing that will make your fear of anything go away is by confronting that very fear. Remember this: it’s all in your head. We think that we possess the version of reality closest to the actual reality but our imagination plays a huge role in the way. Surely, I don’t doubt that once in a far remote place a girl killed a man for approaching her. But that is not the case. Picture the worst case scenario: she ignores you. Now, how is that any different from you ignoring her? You have absolutely nothing to lose. Except, of course, your childish fear.

The focus is on you

Not only do we need approval from our parents, especially our mother, growing up. We look for it throughout life, in our relations with others. Guess what? Girls are about seven times shyer, more reserved, hygienic, and intuitive than you. At least, seven times, no exaggeration. Not to mention that they see, smell and hear much better than us, too. Think of it this way, they are used to being approached by the opposite sex all the time and therefore develop killer social skills in comparison to men, which they use as time-management tools in their lives in respect to men. They are more open and respond emotionally more often than not. Many of them, point blank, have grown used to the special treatment and have become spoiled brats. They may not see it, and we men are to blame for it, in part. After all, we do nothing short of throwing ourselves to the pavement as they pass us by, threatened by a fear we can't quite put into words. Because they have seen and heard it all, it is just common that you need to muster more skills than simply building up the courage to go up and talk to her. In the end, they are the ones being pursued all the time and that gives them an edge as to which male they prefer to spend time with. Everything in life boils down to competition; it is only reasonable that spending time to find ourselves, nurture ourselves and prosper as individuals, and not think for a moment that a few tricks up your social sleeve will serve as a shortcut. On the other hand, if you already have amassed certain social status, like having a good job, being independent and single, then you need to focus your attention on your social skills. We may have the advantage from the start, but nowadays women are raising the bar: they are graduating in superior numbers, and adopting some of the dominant traits men have been known for. That is just an exterior facade, just as superficial as our modern sentimental man; see, women imitate what they love of men, and men, thinking that it pleases women, behave more than usual. You can only guess that if the roles are not played properly when it comes to mating, then the result can be atrocious.
The way women were raised, however, could have been limited in parental concessions to social gatherings and so we got to go to parties and get drunk relatively earlier than them. All the while, they were being somewhat nurtured by their relatives, defended from the outside world, and little by little more focused on themselves. Also, they are girls, and as such, they tend to be already caregivers. They dress and smell deliciously, they take care more than us in general.
We short of being animals. I have seen many guys urinating in public, at least twenty for every girl ever seen. Actually, in my entire life, I have only witnessed close female friends do so. Take violent crimes, for instance. Less than ten percent of vicious crimes have been committed by females.
So, starting now, we will do the following: for an entire month we will diminish drastically the amount of time we spend on them and focus on ourselves. Here’s the trick every seducer knows: it is not the time you spend on them but the time you make for yourself. You will not look at their body parts as they face you, also: women are penetrated through the eyes. I mean, it’s common sense that if you invest half of the amount of energy that you currently spend on her in you, things in the romantic arena will be a lot different. Instead of going into all of those expensive dates, you could have bought yourself a decent car, a few great pair of jeans, cologne. The focused individual does not look up to success with women in life; he looks up to his own success in life and in the process is a more attractive individual socially, therefore more wanted by women. It is the first thing women notice about a man: his social status, his education, the car he drives, the money he has, the clothes he wears before he even opens his mouth.
But men tend to think that it is either about looks or money, and it isn’t. It’s about women’s needs, as women, and these needs are very different than ours. Just by knowing your purpose in life and following your dreams, by being more into your projects and goals, you can attract better friends, more beautiful women, in essence, be better.

On boldness

Do yourself a favor and grow a pair of gargantuan testicles. Now, here’s the misconception: we think we need them only to deal with girls (and, by the way, they respond immediately to them). I went to a family Sunday dinner with a tee-shirt that read "Fuck Milk… Got Pot?" As it may be transparent, I was up for some controversy. Only they expect something like that, therefore it is of no shock anymore. I had another tee-shirt made to read: “Up to no good”. Another one reads, “Perro” which is Spanish for dog. Yet another reading, “I make gold-diggers pay…” –on the front and on the back, to soften it off a bit, concludes “…later.” It makes some girls want to have a second, closer look.
Having balls is not only about sly sexual tension inviting slogans but rather a way of life. Passive individuals not only tend to be so in a single aspect of their lives. Generally, it is a sickness of characters that metastases into our way of life. Romantic movies, rock ballads, slow-paced jams, family interactions, friends. Everyone just perceives you as someone easily accessible and somewhat vulnerable. Some may even see them exhibiting signs of “weakness”. Girls may refer to them with the “nice guys” etiquette. While it may be wise to rent a romantic movie to watch with a gorgeous girl invited over, George Michael, Ricky Martin and la lambada seem, gee, kind of gay to me. I fell asleep through the Titanic movie, and only awoke pleasantly to see his ass drown for letting a girl gether way. That fucker deserved it.
That is not to say that niceness has no place in the equation. Let’s just say that is not the case we’re trying to make. Think of it as in business, it pays to be pleasant but not to lower the price for the sake of it; or better yet, think of it as sport. Yeah, that's right: a sport. Here niceness comes after the game. Humility is better wore by the haves and winners.
But if it is like a market in which everything is up for sale, we all give away so easily. That is not part of having balls. Having the balls is also about taking charge and command of your destiny, for instance. So, in getting better with the girls, you firstly and utmost need to improve yourself: it’s not about finding the tricks to get in. It’s knowingly advancing, having your way with her and no manipulation will compensate for the real deal. Sooner or later, you're just gonna have to deal with the reality that they are all around, they are not going to vanish anytime soon and that you might as well get along with them. Instead, we spend time with the boys from early childhood to adulthood.
Having the balls is letting go and calling it quits, too. It also implies a responsibility to be a man of good and not necessarily a good man. Men have the balls to carry out their duties, make the wife happy and venture into someone’s skin from time to time. Who will deny us of it all? Men give plenty but ask themselves for little in turn. Married men everywhere are suffering a slow self-inflicted death. They find themselves stuck in relationships that no longer fulfill them. Having the balls to end it or mend it takes a man. Opening the road for them and being up to the challenge takes a man. It takes a man to satisfy the social needs and appetites. We work hard for what we get. Nothing is handed to us. Where a girl may just flash a smile and a door is open, we have to bring the door down with some humility in order to make our way in. They may dress fashionably and smell like a bouquet of freshly collected flowers, and are taken places; if the roles are being played right, we have to provide the ride and the cash most of the time. And we may be disqualified by a simple, vain mistake made. So what is the great thing about being the man? It's about being in control and taking charge of the action. Let her do the talking, keep your shut most of the time. Enjoy the ride. You take her for a ride, you don't carry her there. You're the one driving.
Our power is not in refusing to pay for the movies but selecting the one to watch. Our power is in the place we take her. Our power comes across from the get-go by simply saying with a deep voice, with an indelible pause, in masculine tone, while looking into her eyes “Hey” to get them out of their routines and place them unto ours. With serene confidence, neatly presentable, humble eloquence and certain manly elegance thrown to the mix.
So why is it that when something is in our power to lift ourselves from the ground and claim some of our identity as men back, we simply let it slide by. Balls is in our initial interactions. Take rejection, for instance. If you have the balls, you overlook it and even work with it. If a girl responds unfavorably (in time, you’ll know that any kind of response is a good on) to a humorous observation of ours, take a step back and slow-paced, confidently say something like:
-I gotta be honest with you: I didn’t expect this kind of reception. You have balls. Unluckily, for you, I was looking for a pussy. Balls I got plenty of.
If she rejects you, you take it like a man and in a dominant stance deliver something like: “You call that rejection?” Wait for her reaction and conclude: “Listen, honey, if you’re gonna reject me, do it properly. Grab me by the shoulders and knee me on the balls, beat me up and throw me out of this place. Otherwise, I won’t take you seriously.”
Have fun with it, make light of a situation. You are the man. You are always in control.

Asking for directions

A guy once asked me how come I am so lucky with girls.
-It has probably something to do with that I don’t rely on luck to begin with –I answered him.
With a few simple guidelines, we can pretty much get ahead of the game. If we want to get somewhere in life, knowing where that somewhere might be could be of great help, don’t you think? I mean, sure there are things in life that are beyond our power –for now. We can’t control the whether, or how tall and good-looking we are by nature. But we can always improve what is in our power to. The good news is, girls are not into looks as much as we are. Sure, they prefer guys who are tall and good-looking, but personality always wins the day. What good-looks have is an edge from the start. This advantage may open the girl up momentarily but if the male fails eventually to be bold and swiftly move in for the kill it can be all over pretty soon. And even if he does move in, he may do so in a way that kills the attraction because he doesn’t understand the dynamics of it. Take men short in stature: they are generally in better shape, as they grow muscles easier than their taller counterparts, they are usually better dressed, stand with their chest out and are without a doubt incredible dancers and very sure of themselves. Tall, good-looking guys often are laid-back as nature has already given them so much. They’ve been perhaps treated kindly by others since they were little and have found the rare need to implement their ways, as the world opens up to them more easily.
That said, it is still a fierce competition. While the good-looking or tall guy may have a temporary edge, he may not be as skilled with the greater prey. Now that is not to say that good-looks are unimportant or that a short guy always knows best. Every man, whether they are good-looking or not so much so, needs help in understanding the opposite sex, if that is their sexual inclination. It only makes sense that if you want to fly an airplane, you should know something about aerodynamics.
But we men grew up with a false self-assurance that works against us. We do not admit to our limitedness, in any particular field. Almost everywhere I have been in the continents of the Americas, there are always males talking obsessively about politics or sports. We deal with the world in terms of acquisition, domination, competition, eagerness. We grew up watching porno movies where the easiest, sleaziest line could be uttered and the girl would literally get naked. That was of no help. If we know something, is that is never easy. And that we should always be in-the-know. I am, even though I consider myself with a natural edge –after all, I am tall, fit, good-looking, healthy, and smart and have a thing or two going for me. By any definition, I should probably be surrounded by cuties everywhere and have them calling me all the time and not be in need of advice or info into the subject. That is not the case. The bigger your bet, the more is at stake. And the more you learn, the more it seems that there is to be learnt still. It is a never-ending process.
Let’s face it: we hate being told that we do not know. We rather die than change our ways. We spend our time talking loudly about body parts when it comes to girls and spend most of the time in our safe nest hanging out with guys. We spend our lives being drawn to them but very little to understand the object of our desire.
I can’t promise change. That is not my responsibility. It is in your hands to take it. I can only share a few views of mine and maybe that they are of help to some. If they aren’t, then nothing is lost.
There's no shame in seeking.

In the beginning...

In the beginning, we are just as good as children when it comes to love: we want more than we give, we give little, and we are demanding and insecure, and very vulnerable. This will change as of now. In the beginning, we are all amateurs, and let’s face it, the vast majority of us needs help on matters of the “heart”. How to be a man doesn’t come naturally. It’s a process and here is what it takes.