The Allure of Intimacy

Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes -Carl Jung. 

In our minds, they are listening to our message, reading our words, presaging good fortune and good-riddance at once, hello followed by goodbye. Thoughts evoke far away beaches hidden in exotic places all around the tropical globe, ambient landscape music oozes by the television, underwater creatures that induce a soothing and healing effect. And so it is with meditation. 
Mating had become a ritual, something I initially only wanted to get good at and at which I got very good at. The sooner I gave up the mindless ritual of getting or having to be with a girl at any given time, the better; suddenly, being no longer subject to the whimsical pull a cute girl might exert by just happening to be seated across from me in the subway made her intrigued. Her spell can instill doom: it spares no one. Why is this guy the exception? 
I wasn't coming from a place of need. To me, it still is about self-control. It's a bad habit that I rarely break out of. She deserves no less. 

Giving her space to be herself without the sexual innuendos men subconsciously give out. The less it is about a romantic agenda, the better. And not just playing pretend, which can be trying; the best is to embody indifference, not merely act so. 

Keep to yourself. The better you get along with your company, the less you'll seek out others out of necessity, the more you'll naturally attract the world around. Be like the star, let others go around you. Keep your distance but don't be out of sight. The sun is far from earth, but life on earth depends on not being too distant apart or too close.  

Experience that in the absence of that instinctive drive, there is a peace flourishing where there was only despair. It is good to see how we can mimic good vibes. Two souls coming together, complementing one another. Intimacy has its rewards. Knowing what to expect is of great relief when you've been jumping from a miss to a heartache to a rebound to a celibate to just a one-night stand. It all revolved around the same, sex. It wasn't bad; on the contrary, it was so good that it's scary. Scary kind of good. It gets tiring to try and aim for higher ground in constant search of an ideal, a promise fulfilled, a step closer to glory. Sometimes anything raw and mundane will do, drink it up and smoke, do whatever comes easy doing, things we do for fun. Litte things are as airtight fun as those actions that come effortlessy. 
In time, she'll prefer her man to be more subtle, and yet not in the least bit timid about it. She has undesired suitors, passive-aggressively stalking her, some of whom she may take advantage of without the slightest shred of guilt. Don't complain of being used if all you settle for is the role of a servant. You give yourself away before they get a chance to know you; it's just gross. Women want to be able to look up to their man. 

Some men suffer a zombie frenzy-like state syndrome induced by venustraphobia. Not that they fear beautiful women so much as how much these men hate to have this aberration, this nonsensical experience in front of them. They really never learn how to cope with sexual tension in front of what they may deem as desirable mating prospects. 
They find themselves following in their footsteps as zombies of sex always in search of carnal feasts, but of course it's not prudent to act out our desires in public. That's what the weekend is for. It's there where we shine, except I haven't had a night out in ages. To be more specifically, in about a few months. 

We can't escape the animal inside; we can tame it though, minimize the primal urge to jump her bones the minute she comes into sight; nothing like a fit voluptuous body, long silky hair, back and front. As men, we've learnt to compromise: not all girls bring the whole beauty package. Some have a big mind. So, why complain about her ass? Or vice versa. 

Opposites attract, so the bad guy ends up falling for the good girl, it doesn't only happen in movies. Fun in playing the bad guy is that it feels so natural and comes so easy a role, fit like a glove. Of course, it's in your nature as a man to try and decipher things, but when it comes to women is best not to ask or say too much. Instead of trying to figure her out, simply love her for how she is. Love can be the only solution to the alienation we face. As lovers, we often fall for the trap of getting too comfortable too soon. It's that laziness with which some of us drag along throughout the course of our lives that infects our relationships; if we never dared, if we rarely tried and venture out, dine out, walk the park, run, do stuff but some of us tend to be prefer a sedentary existence, rid of all the emotional upheavals of being in love. 
Loving someone we already care deeply about is just as much fun. 
Though not easy to achieve. It is comfy, like worn-out shoes that have grown accustomed and knitted to our symmetry: we just fit right in. 
That's the allure of intimacy. It can be brewed to perfection, like a strong drink; it's not just some sugar-coated coloring powder, just add water. Character is made out of an array of explosive chemical compounds that bind and stick to their legislated guns, no compromising our values... character is the aplomb and diligence with which you handle yourself, your business and others. Family members, friends, co-workers, they all have a story to tell about you. But most importantly, what you have to say about yourself in regards to their assertions. What they say is a reflection, in part, of themselves. What you say, it's still a part of you closer to your truest self than any other foreign entity will ever be. 
Apparently, we only see what we think possible; that's a catch 22, since what's possible is what we see. What if we see the impossible? It's how we're built. But if we look through the foliage of this mirage, we can see their fate maneuvered, evolved selves replicating themselves, perfecting all that's good as is, never subjugating to the status quo. We should be conformed with the notion that change is the order of the day, and that in relentlessly pursuing some goals and lay some psychological mines to ignite the way for those behind, an easy trail to follow.  

That's why we abhor unsteady and wandering minds, indecisiveness, fragmented and disjointed themes, unscathed plots, sultry dames, immediate results, longevity, gold and laughter bordering on madness. It happens if you drink and become euphoric, rules are cast out, instincts prevail. How we deal with our impulsive mind is, like a pet, you domesticate it. You may feel like going to the bathroom but it doesn't mean you shit in front of others. Being aloof saves us tons of time, but playing it out with just those who most strike our fancy is foolproof. 

Ever woke up and found yourself in bed but did not know exactly how you got there? Ever looked down a precipice and staring into its void a step ahead, it is almost as if it were staring back? Ever took a step back out of prudent fear, only to set aside all discretion a moment later and go in for the kill? It is only then that you realize this feeling of being alive, right a la par with the drive to a state of mind other than our current. You can use fear to propel yourself into action or you can cease to exist at any moment in time of your not-choosing. Everything else will take care of itself, even your ebriated body will find its way back home. 

Thing is, you did take care of bringing your drunk self to bed, but in order for it to succeed you had to save energy, and so you chose to deploy temporary memories for the task. How afraid you are that you next to nothing, just fragments, maybe the train fell asleep on the steel cold tracks in between stations and the coming to a standstill in an always buzzing city like New York utterly disrupted the lethargic state of mind in which you found yourself emerged. It's not a mystical outer agent that saves you from yourself; it's your higher state of being, the one who never leaves anyone behind and it's always shouting so that you can catch up. Within all the undisciplined and self-serving memes, mental process-seer-of-all, the mind behind the mindless tasks that consume our lives. The beast that Schopenhauer named "will". The enigmatic entity that Freud denominated "unconscious". Like a zombie in a horror flick, the monster doesn't know itself as you see it for what it is, it doesn't have a conscience. As a specie, we've lost some of our moral fabric. 

Plato spoke of men as trapped in a cave, only seeing their own shadows, and to consciousness as stepping outside the cave and seeing in its full splendor all the life that surrounds us. We can honestly speak of us modern men as trapped in a rectal cave; we gotta stick our heads out of our asses. We've been obscenely narcissistic for far too long. It's time to stop and think slightly bigger for a moment and then find about ways to make that happen. Transforming our body into a calorie-burning machine, rippled with muscles, and read about how to get ahead in all sorts of self-improvement sources, YouTube, especially. You can learn how to cook. How to install a provisional wall, and along the way come up with the idea of turning it into a metaphor for relationships. How to dance bachata? How to anything, really. Movie trailers to movies you'll never go to the theater to see, movies you'll watch whenever they show them on HBO, or Amazon On Demand movies, or any other competitor that may have it for less or for better quality. You'll find Amazon on YouTube but never the other way around. No way. 

I love YouTube because it's pretty much like having your very own channel. A channel that, unlike those on television, can virtually be seen anywhere in the world there's freedom of speech and an internet connection. It's a great wealth of shared information. Toppled that with the fact that I'm happily subscribed to Google Music which aside from a catalog of over 35 million songs it gives me YouTube Red. Need I say more?

It's best that you date only people who can still sleep in their own bed. They choose, instead, to sleep together interchangeably in either his or her bed. That's setting boundaries and at the same time building comfort and rapport. Some couples get there right away; for others, it takes more. 

It's best to have that closure and intimacy, spend quality time together but also each have a place of its own. And in that place, absence will make the heart fonder, and wounds would heal. She'll get time to rest and look replenished, rejuvenated by good sleep that can only come from not sleeping with their man who snores, takes two thirds of the Queens size bed, sleeping like there's no tomorrow and waking up to take on the world. That's way too many macho hormones floating around, any woman tied down to a relationship in which she's daily exposed to her lover under the condition of husband or long-term boyfriend, they appear more ragged and deteriorated than their no-strings-attached counterparts. 

If we expose ourselves too much too early, it might be thrilling in the initial stages, but old dogs can't be pissing all around. Playing the field is like jerking yourself off; once you lose the encumbered posture of your insecurities and simply walk tall, no slouching, right there and then, irrevocably, things change. Things will always change; it's the law by which they're regulated. How and in what way will they change, that's presumably up to us. To an extent. But usually, the best the shot we give it, the more multiple shots we throw, the closer we get to knock this thing out of the park and home run. How we get there, it says a lot about our nature. Do you jerk off or fuck your girl? Why choose one, right? We'll never be satisfied. It's an insatiable itch that even if we were to be served a single virgin every night, we'll still try to see if we can get a night out. Look, as a youngster, my focus was on quantity, and I had a whole lot less possibilities than when I shifted my focus on to quality instead. 

Some species don't hunt often for food because they're smart enough to kill big prey, swallow it slowly, save some for later. It's a miracle when your mighty will wins the day, in the name of honor and pride, sanity, and sometimes so that you can keep your job, get to see your son tonight and find some food on the table after work. 

Maybe I'll travel outside the country, or go to Miami Beach as usual. Hopefully, MMA is sanctioned by the New York State Commission as a safe enough sport to be shown on Madison Square Garden, such as boxing. This way I will go to Vegas and watch it from a bar like I do in New York when MMA fights take place in Vegas. Night venues don't send you off once the fight is over, you get to stay and mingle, drink up! Yeah it's a wonder and a sense of freedom that

It's the good kind, and as women are sages in this respect; they prefer exclusive relationships as opposed to men, who favor variety. It's not that women are bounded by more strict moral codes than us men. I said "prefer", not necessarily a mandate. Their libido can be a powerful drive in seeking and keeping a sense of harmony in her life which usually revolves around those she cares for. Men aren't as selfless. We do contribute but in most cases not nearly as much as women put in. 

In our youth, and in some cases well into obstinate age, men take unnecessary risks, unwarranted gambles. If you want to move out of the neighborhood you were born and raised, and take your family along, that's a safe bet: you plan and take action. It's risky, to step out of your element, to try something new, to envision a parallel route. We ought to examine ourselves from time to time, come to grips with the realization that our time here is limited and that we can only choose to make ourselves and others happy. By being happy, you no longer look for happiness elsewhere. Instead, everywhere you may enter, happiness arrives. Wherever your path takes you, disseminate seeds of joy, plant adventures, cultivate kindness. 

Bravery in Love

Persistence wins the game; but persistence is cunning and immaculately patient, in laying out the tentacles of its traps, it doesn't just bite with predatory teeth but infallible venom. Persistence, it takes more art and prose, though it can be vague and downright vulgar. In the end, you win over with love. For what is hate if not love in disguise? 
You may have to temper your impulses and act more in the moment, here and now, as opposed to improvise or give a verbal snapshot. A meme. 

It's cultivating relationships rather than just devouring the fruit. It's something you do from the minute you meet someone; if it comes as a lack from within, an inner vacuum, as if you were trying to prove something to yourself, then the response is not going to be favorable. It usually has something to do with the way you assume command that may question how the mission unfolds. Oh let's not kid ourselves, this is warfare. And as such, you don't make moves that they can see from miles away. 

It's fine if we're not welcome (rare though but it happens, and I love that it does, because hearing a "no" here and then keeps me engaged, what a fresh start. Rejection may mean that you moved in too fast. And even if you do take your time, and sharpen your edge, you still can at times miss your aim. It has happened. 

So, don't take rejection too personally, we tend to link how we get the girl with our self-esteem; instead, focus on your own void, fix things there, start getting alone with yourself before you think that the answer is out there in the shape of a woman. But if there's anything a woman loathes more than anything else is a needy man. If a girl rejects a guy it usually has to do with a million reasons inside her head than not. If most girls you approach reject you, then focus on your inner game/style/confidence. There, you'll find the source of all that ails you. Don't take these belongings of yours to the women in your life. As men, we got to deal with our issues and not make women the sole reason of being. A woman plays an indispensable part in a man's life; but his life should be about so much more, and women will resent your lack of vision and ambition if it is about her and not about your dreams what you are after. 

Women may be on the other side of this spectrum. They have an innate proclivity to make bonds that last a lifetime, like that of bearing children. Daughters tend to be closer to mothers than boys; sisters, if you have them, they never leave you alone. You can't escape the women in your family, they will follow you till dusk and leech around and fester with their good omens and commendations. Women can be dangerous if left unmarried, but even when they're married they still aren't at ease. Marital dissatisfaction is far more common than being satisfied with your spouse. No one's saying women are crazy, but that they can drive you there sometimes. And the weird thing about it is that some men go for a ride again and again. 

No drama, please. I don't often ask for favors, but lessening the melodramatic element, watering it down (you 

Usually, the last thing on a girl's mind is to hurt someone she's trying to reject. If it's a guy who she really has no interest in (and hey, guys, it's rare but it happens), she's either gonna try to spare the guy's feelings (especially if the guy was dumb enough to involve feeling memes in the first place). She may have something else better, or be playing hard to get. You have to be pushy sometimes, but always in a nonchalant way, not out of a need to be fulfilled but a want. Remember: you want her; you don't need her. 

Feelings of need evoke acts of desperation, ridicule follows, not a good prognosis. That need you feel of her isn't going away by having your way with her. It can only work if you completely give it up. Giving girls up before you try to pick them up is what creates all of that magical aura of relaxation, playfulness, like we did when we were kids and puberty hadn't ravished our innocence. Who know what then? Don't revert to that state of confusion, just let her go before you bring her in. She'll feel it, for you have bestowed a rare gift upon her: it's not what you want from her what you are after. It's her. And she can't help but feel genuinely and mutually attracted to you. It doesn't mean that she'll sleep with you. We didn't spend our time having sex; it takes years to mature and really appreciate intimacy. It is built with the same ingredients of passion and rawness, except it is more so than just that, it is that human bond that brings us together. Attraction is irrational, but so are we. 

If it worries what her response might be, it might be that her response has a lot to do with how you pose your question. And what is still far more important: how will you respond to her initial response. You should be prepared. Girls have all the angles, and in this emotional arena they reign supreme. We don't like to admit it but even the best of us are poorly equipped to deal the psychological warfare to which women in our everyday lives put us through. We're outnumbered; outgunned. We have very poor hygiene, and we're not afraid to walk on the wild side. We have an ancestry built around nomad tribes that migrated, waged war and made love in the savannas, a highly adaptable and successful specie. And so long as there was food and shelter, and as long as we weren't running away from a predator or preying on other animals ourselves, we fucked our way to more than seven billion of us. 

Be brave, it is a lover's gift, bravery being characteristic of a generous soul, it tips the ambivalence in its favor. Love is brave, it shows its face and it doesn't hide behind the ego into account because it has bankrolled you to behave egotistically in the past, time and again. We do things that make us be in peace with those around us, that's how we thrive socially; but in the mingling realm that is not the way things work, here casual questions are mating acquisitions in pretense and disguised, you politely ask a girl out for coffee when you really want to just rip her dress off and ravish her right there and then. And possibly way before then, ever since she walked into the same room. That instinct has got to be suppressed to the point of almost extinction. 

when the work is over and the night falls, or in coffee shops as grown-ups often do, Starbucks is the best place to meet people, once a friend said. I said, anywhere but there, and that's how the magic begins. Somehow, if you're not looking for it, though it may still be lingering in an unconscious subterfuge, it materializes out of thin air and manifests itself in the form of a girl when you were just really there for the music. 

It doesn't take guts to actually ask her out but in the way that you do so, not in the least bit apologetic about it. Your timidity then can cost you: it translates somehow to her that you are, in deed, a pussy and therefore not worth her time. It's boring, so don't do it. 

Your response should to her yes or her no should lack emotion. It'll be so for her, the more your energy is centered, the more your masculine core is fixed and grounded without the slightest stain of fear, maybe a heightened state of mind in which your former self is transcended and your gravity will make others orbit around you. Not being sure should be part of her ambivalence, not your goal to dwell in valence, you be persistent, not insistent. Persist; don't insist. She gets to play the feminine role, and in that realm of things, to paraphrase, in layman's terms: she gets to be the pussy. You know the role. Some guys even play it themselves, and that is why girls run away from them. It's simple: she gets to play the pussy role and you get to play the dick. It's the part you were born for. 

They already have a pussy, so don't turn into that girlfriend with a dick, that handy doormat. Dick is what they seek, and dick is what they should get. So, guys, don't be pussies! Man up, go and tease her, be playful, bold; she gets to be the girl, hence her antics. So long as you you keep your cool, double your bets, or back down gracefully, all is fair.