Her Evil Ways

Women often fantasize about being manhandled. But if you were to just manhandle her, it'd be the wrong way about it. That's because they like aggressive passion to come in installments and not suddenly. Of course, once she gets your way of doing things, that is, the way of a man who is confident and interested only in her pleasure, then she can trust you to be the troglodyte deep down inside she really wants you to be. 

Men brag about stuff their possessions, envision and try to procure status, and spend little investment in understanding that which is puzzling and mystifying to them such as women. It seems ironic that they wouldn't since it is a subject that obsesses them all throughout the course of their lives. 

They have been persuaded to give up, that women represent an unsolved mystery or that they only want men with means to give them all the things that they want and not much else. Men will spend their lives following the advice of people like their fathers and mothers, but fail to realize that that is a recipe for disaster: what do they know about? They've probably have been married for ages, secretly resenting one another, and not know how fate handed them such lousy cards. Of course, there are parents who are very wise when it comes to the romantic arena, but it is unlikely that they'd give it to you. Those who really know about these things tend to keep it to themselves because this is explosive material. 
Most have experienced a form of abuse at the hands of their male counterparts, and those who choose a much milder type of male, often ridicule and humiliate his passive ways, as if they secretly despise them. Nothing angers them more than a man who lets her take control, settling for a miniature version of that adventurous wanderer, nomad, bad-ass male prototype that every little girl dreams of ever since puberty. So, be the badass she dreams of, the type of guy she naturally respects because he has a sense of style and self-worth. He will not put up with her shit and though she might still give it to him, he'd take it nonchalantly, with a degree of disengagement that makes her crave more of that manhood stuff: stout self-control. 

Give her importance, of course; but not all of the importance. She shouldn't be what your world revolves around; she's in your world, she's part of your world, no doubt VIP status, a key player, an extraordinary adviser, but she's not it. It should be more than her and she'll love you for it; she may say that she wants to be the most important thing there is, but the minute that's the case, you no longer are all that important to her. You can be with or without. It'd suck to be without but how long before I am with again? Maybe a week,
So, in a way, I bring them closer to their most sinister intimate urges, having them laid at my feet, under my will, ready and begging to please. Women are far darker in their desires, as it is a man that she yearns to have by her side and such man will not be easily swayed in her direction because a man she can trust won't play nice just to please her. He may be nice, but have a backbone to his niceness. That is why women behave the emotional way, whereas if a man was to behave in such a way in his daily living, he may not make it out alive. If you go to a bar looking for a fight, you will find it. Don't be that guy that goes into a shouting contest with his girl; instead, be the guy who gives her the attention that she yearns from a man, that is, little of it and only if she's earned it. You wouldn't lose your head if a toddler starts acting up. It is something you should expect and it is bound to happen from time to time; the same is true of women. 

It is easy to fake the strength, but if you want the good quality of strength, you ought to work for it. You gotta be able to have your own life, have things going for yourself whether these things are of the spiritual, material or esoteric kind; you ought to work out if you want to be really stronger, not necessarily be the strongest, but be your strongest. Take good care of yourself and the things that make up the one you are. You get an entitled, egotistical creature that cannot be tamed, subdue her power, or domesticate her ways. It's ironic that they try and try to change their man, only to be disappointed when that change takes place because that is what they say. Do not listen to her, it is only her way of proving if you can really live up to the expectation of a man who will not be easily swayed by her devilish ways. Now, that is not to say you will not take out the garbage or be about taking care of business, that part has to be taken care of. Because if she complains about your laid-back attitude, your bad hygiene, your drinking, then that might be advice you want to take and thank her for in a wholehearted and nonchalant way. You don't want to do what she says the moment she demands it, but take note of it, let her know you understand her and make less of a bad situation. 

It means, we learned to compromise. Of course, we can't go out sexually assaulting others, let alone women. It's cute when they take the initiative and try and jump us. Even if she loses control and throws the remote control or become physical. Take it lightly, say something like: "You hit like a girl." Deescalate, do not engage her. 

Because of a more democratized world, a sense of civility governs our most depraved drives, our primitive impulses dulled from a very early age. First, our parents; then schools, jobs. Surrounding us all, at every stage of our upbringing, the rules are laid out. Some of us don't make it even to be considered good lovers. We ought to be civil in our dealings with others, but when it comes to making love you can summon some of that animalistic nature that lies dormant in every one last of us. Do so in a fun and calculated way, don't take it literally; you do not want to pull her hair, you want to hold her in place with a fistful of it. You don't want to slap her; you want to spank her, bite her, without leaving evidence. Her moody ways come from the same place that her sexual desires emanate. Drink from that fountain with abandonment, and make sure she gets a taste of it. 

Don't give her too much space, just enough to fall in. 

Comments? 

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damiarenas1@gmail.com

Pick (yourself) up

On the flip side, you'll find the guy who is willingly committed to higher standards. If you want to succeed with women, cultivate the following traits: character, independence, drive, and a sense of adventure and humor. It takes time to please a woman, but counterintuitively enough, it starts with not giving her what she wants. At least, not right away. It's a fact that works even in intimacy. Often, we're focused on our own pleasure, so we fail to see the needs of others. And with women, it can spell doom. Her insecurities will surface if you dare not dive in, expertly. The key to her heart, chief among many, would be to be the anchor. It's easier than it seems, work on your personality. Forget your looks, unless you are good-looking which you can definitely use in your favor. Humor doesn't mean you're a clown; making her laugh would make her feel at ease and you should know that makes for good company. 
Whether because of inexperience, unavailability, religiosity, whatever the case may be, these men have absolutely no clue as to how things should naturally play out. Not every woman you come across will end up in your arms, and it gets tiring to tirelessly give pursuit for the sake of our ego. We do not spend our time mating but instead getting ready to mate; if your focus is on the goal, you'll miss your target time and again. Put your effort into bettering yourself and things will flourish naturally whenever the opportunity arises; instead of picking her up, pick yourself up. What of character? It simply means you need to be the man. That is, make her feel safe and don't jump ahead. Like reading a book, you go page through page; you don't jump to the last page to see how it ends. You let the tension build in, the drama flourish, and then sit back and enjoy the ride. 

The ego has been the culprit in oh so much unnecessary drama that to do with it must be taken upon at every turn, fight it wherever you see it, annihilate any vestige showing, cut to the root of it. Ego is that voice which is often childlike. It triggers impulses that the host may have noticed, if a button like anger is pushed then a response to minimize the threat is fitting. We overreact, and when we do, it is because we are, as if possessed by a demon. All of the ego's advocates: vanity, power, avarice... in essence, all of those sources of inner torment that cease to inflict unnecessary pain the minute we adopt better ways of coping. It requires building healthier habits, and that may sound difficult but it is not impossible. All good things to those who apply themselves first. It is easy to do as you please; it's doing the right thing that proves more vexing. Waking up early to hit the gym before work, eating a balance diet, rest and sleep, patching up insomnia with meditation and having an hour-long nap every Sunday, it really helps to balance things out. We cannot always dictate the most ideal path; sure enough, half-assessing the situation and jumping to conclusions. Say you wake up in the middle of the night and cannot go back to bed, use that time for something creative, who said you have to sleep when others do? Maybe this is a blissful state of consciousness, a state in which you are not really asleep and you're really not awake; oftentimes, not giving yourself a shitty monologue about it is the beast course. Take cigarettes, which I quit over two years ago, it used to be about waking up to smoke. Nowadays, I don't smoke but I go for strange long walks or stay in the middle of winter but now I am warm and far stronger than I ever was. I don't miss cigarettes; I miss the good things smoking has: the conversation with others, the inspiration for the task at hand, and the way it curved appetite. Its social component is perhaps unparalleled. Some of us delay quitting because we may subconsciously fear missing out on others and the way that these others are experienced through the smokescreen lenses of nicotine receptors deeply wired in our brains, a monster whose fix of nicotine I had to replace with higher doses of meditation, a significant increase in physical activity and reformed eating habits.
Sleep is trivial. It comes and goes and it will some day come the same way as it has now deserted me: with little warning. Ah, these long holidays off are good to just kick back, relax and let yourself go.

As a specie we are hardwired to obsess over trivial things when lack of more challenging paths aren't envisioned. Instead of anticipating the fear of flying, I do the opposite. I visualize it every other moment. I can close my eyes and understand that I can only control my breath and that if I do this correctly then there is nothing I have to worry going on around me. I can only exercise control over me. This is my mantra. In case I confuse you, I will reiterate: I am afraid of flying and yet I've taken two trips, first stop Miami, Florida, and then Cancun, Mexico, in the past two months, and have an upcoming flight to Barcelona. South Beach has always been my destination whenever in Miami. I take the bus there, stay mostly in hostels which are cheap and everywhere found. I enjoy the change of pace, the warm climate, the festive nature all around and the bluest waters a walkaway. I like to mingle and the after-hour conversations, fattening myself all day long, running in the mornings, if only for a few days. Short vacations reinvigorate you; long ones take a financial toll and become tiresome, dispirited attempts at spiking others' envy through social media posts that depict your whereabouts. If I made one post about my trip to Cancun on Facebook, it probably was a lot. When in Miami, it was not until my sister posted us on her own Facebook that I retaliated by posting my own picture. Hers was taken with the iPhone 6 Plus, and mine with Moto X Pure Edition, in low light under a tent in a rooftop on a rainy night in Sobe. There was no match, mine had the upper hand, that was all I put that up there, no one noticed so here I explain it. No one seemed to notice either that I stayed with the locals in Mexico because, well, that is Mexico and I got a feeling of its people more than I would've if I had stayed in a fancy resort. Barcelona will be no different.
I googled the most popular songs in Spain and made a playlist of more than thirty songs that will accompany me on the plane to Barcelona. I am not listening to it. Forgot that this was about advice on women. Oh, it hasn't been about that in a very long while.

We forget and get lost in the process. Such abandonment is more common when you write.
We no longer are at the mercy of opinions, unless these are formulated by people we deem of importance. Even then, if the commentary is harsh or unmerited, you can nod it aside. Of course, women will try to crack that impenetrable masculine aura of yours, all over again. And again. Their game is to try and try to take charge of the relationship, whip you into shape, and once there, slowly retreat and dispose of it. Only if you allow it. Oh do not kid yourself that we can find a woman who can play the adult in a relationship and therefore we can relax and let her make the small decisions.
That's how it starts.

Forget the argument that we need to slow things down. If your mindset is on the endgame, then you're missing out big time. When you start with the right foot, your day will only flourish from there. If you take time to keep active and strong, take proper hygiene, form good sleeping cycles and nutritional habits that nourish your physical as well as your mental health. Cut down your expectations, celebrate less and spend time with loved ones.
Keep in touch with friends, in real life, even if you have to show your face on social media every now and then. All things in moderation. Forget that others would prefer a quick fix, a shortcut to success. Well, let's start by saying that shortcuts work temporarily. If you want a level of success that helps you bed women, then you don't really need to read any further. It is not difficult for us men to find women who will find us charming enough to want to have sex with. That is the easy part. We deal with women on a larger spectrum: the ones that are here to stay, usually family and lifelong friends; those we meet daily or have as longtime acquaintances.
 and meditate like your life depended on it (because it does), all the struggles
A very small percentage of the girls you see will actually make your acquaintance and of those who do, out of those only a few will make it to more familiar territory such as a lover or a friend. What we should offer without prejudice, then, is just that: unattached nourishment. Women rarely get it from men. Usually, they get the same wuss or the adamant pursuer, or the introverted estranged admirer or the typical business-as-usual archetype, all sorts of emasculated iterations. Later on in life you learn that the way to deal with sexual tension is to be completely comfortable around it but also mindful of how reserved others may respond sometimes. In assessing the
So, we can relax that we do not come from a place of lack, or need, or fixation. How we know that is because we come from that place: freedom is not the imagined choice to be out three nights a week without having anyone to answer to. So many of us went through a parental to a marital dependence. We hardly had any saying into the way things played out, most followed it to script and yet very few are truly left with a feeling satisfaction, the kind you get out of knowing that you've not lived in vain. And if you do, how much you push towards the ideal? No need to become a superhero in the life of someone else; you probably already are; and in the unlikelihood that you weren't, your own self has fabricated this nightmarish realm in order to fulfill a sinister dream of yours, so either way: you are doing it to yourself. Superheroes themselves aren't without flaws, but in overcoming their shortcomings along the way to stardom, people forget that the reason we feel enthralled and captivated by their story is because they, too, have vulnerabilities and had to overcome obstacles in order to cement their legend. They're not gods, but instead very human.
But just the same, we bear some similarities to our cult figures, whether these stem from fiction or reality -it's all the same. Just as superheroes are a little human, we humans, too, have some of the hero. We can harness our abilities, adopt noble, even spiritual, ways of living. You can contaminate the world with your new-found peace of mind. You ¨lose¨ when you try to lose weight; instead, think of it as gaining strength, becoming agile, feeling and being your best by just being incrementally better than you are. Take a trip somewhere, get in shape, do something you've been postponing out of fear of confrontation, out of shyness. Be bold, for what awaits you out there will require confidence and having a light-heart, not being so intense and melodramatic. The confident man has nothing to fear; it's the arrogant kind you gotta watch out for. 
Virtue is bold. It takes courage, effort, vision, planning... You don't simply stumble upon virtue, i.e., behavior showing high moral standards. There's a virtue in discipline because without it nothing can ever be achieved. There's a virtue in reserving judgment and listening without prejudice, no matter how bias we generally are at the core. But it takes a fine disposition to counter the
How we sculpt our time here, taming that inner void by ripping waves of consciousness throughout these darkened alleys of the
We already have an idea of what we want and set out to change our loved ones into the mental versions that we find fittingly suited for them. "You're perfect. Now, change!"
We should understand what tension means. It is natural and it happens, and the more used to the tension that arises when in the presence of a beautiful woman, the more in control you'll seem and the more naturally alluring you'll be. When you are relaxed in a situation, not bragging, not inhibited either; not too invested, somewhat curious. 

You can at once embody the amicable ends, tie up any ambivalence that boils from underneath and exude the truest sense of confidence: the kind that irradiates from within, contagious and animated. Of course, it is not everyone who is poised to have the gift of presence, eloquence, and symmetry.
It is sexy when you manage the energy around (in situations where others raise their voices in anger, you keep firm but a softness, see that no problem really is helped by us losing our minds. When that happens, and fantasies of retribution, single-handed self-loathing thoughts, we give in to that ancient hunger and caravans of deprivation our minds have carved out the subconscious walls of our primal memory. We react instinctively, almost micro-aggressively to perceived threats to our character, our persona takes out our personality, and the process becomes frivolous. We interact with one another but say very little, under strict norms and corporate rules, we find that taking the path towards indifference makes our day go by faster. It may take less effort to tango; good things take more than just trying. Dedication is consistency toppled with patience, and it takes devising a course of action, a plan, to carry things through the process of inanity into creation. It takes recognizing the situation you are in, what you're working with. You cannot deny your instincts; your reason will not always overrule impulse, and what we are left with is that uncomfortable silence, that awkward moment
let's get used to the fact that the opposite side is here to stay, there's nowhere to go in the foreseeable future, so we might as well sit tight and enjoy the ride.
A Chinese American writer was simultaneously praised in her native land and here in the States. Over here, though, her parenting skills were praised, seen as firm and straightforward, less play, more work. In her native China, she was praised for easing the strictness and severe austerity of Chinese parents. So, advice changes as we travel, we come to realize that in this world, there are a lot of people, all with their own setup belief-system.
Not that you do it so that they find you amusing. Don't overdo it either. Hit and fade, be always on the move, never a sitting target. 

You got an ego and the minute I ignore you, or give you exactly the same level of energy, maybe even less, than the one you give off then it calls your attention. You are used to guys kissing your ass. Yes, you. And you, and you over there! Us narcissists do not take lightly the slightest offense, if we are not celebrated then there must be something wrong. So, all the same, guys at your feet; they surrender way before there is even a fight. I will put you through hell just so that you can taste heaven. Like in a good movie, you will come alive and play the stellar role of the hero. Then you find this guy who doesn't really bow down. It's not personal either, the guy keeps the same level of professionalism and that's that. 

No Drama

There will always be drama in our lives. If ever you watched a nature documentary on animals. Especially, among primates: you'll rarely come across a noisier and melodramatic bunch. 

Facial expressions are predominantly how primates express pain, joy, sorrow, fear, boredom, ecstasy. A whole array of moods can be expressed and innately recognized by facial cues. Other males use their tails. We did have tails once in our evolutionary journey; in fact, most of the surviving primates do. Few, mainly orangutans, chimpanzees and gorillas, lack tails. On the other hand, humans are the only ones left who walk upright since we stem from the great apes who walk on two legs. This evolutionary tactic allowed them to do other stuff with their arms like crafting and the use of weapons to hunt. 

Humans are masters at hiding their state of mind. In essence, their truest nature is hidden from them. Civilization has done away with his/her most inner drives and insatiable sexual nature. After all, as most species, homo sapiens were raised in polyandrous societies where females had sex with more than one male. Humans' genetically closer relatives, the bonobos, would have sex in excharge for anything, be it grooming or food. Why would homo sapies adopt monogamy? 

In reality, a very slim margin of animals is truly monogamous, in the strict sense of the word. Those animals who pick a partner for life are a rare sight among mammals. Nature goes with plenty and what makes sense is that the probability of survival increases when the mating chances are increased, and nothing increases that likelihood like straying. 
It is the reason why our species is so stressed over the subject. Compelled not too, it creates opportunities for drama unseen among the smaller but gradually increasing segment of individuals today who live under more sexually open terms. It does not matter how strict a society is, most stray from the norm. Those who do not may lack the opportunities to do so, like the less desirable partner who does not want his or her lover going around with another.

Few males, and not a whole lot higher number of females, are monogamous. Most desire someone other than their current sexual partner, even if the desire to do so is not enough to act upon it. A lot of them are occupied with cementing and solidifying empires, occupied with acquisition and power. This is an elitist bunch, bent over backwards and forth in building societies to keep in limited quantity what should have been common property. They passed down rituals and laws to keep their subjects subjutated to a handful of mates and a lifelong of unrequited drama. We see possessiveness in nature, but no sign of jealousy. It is solely a figment of the human imagination. No bonobo has time for that nonsense, yet you see that the minute that the alpha dies, another alpha gets to enjoy his unlimited supply of coitus. 

What's more, among humans and most species, too, a small percentage choose to live monogamous existences or have a predominant desire to have lifelong lasting bonds and they seem happier than most of their promiscuous counterparts. Here, too, you can see how much less drama it is to live a rather less chaotic existence where you only get to be with one partner through thick and thin. They, too, have a rare proverbial stone in their possession, a model many of us try and fail to assimilate, causing untold misery. 

Nothing expresses more emotional states in humans than their faces. To be able to read expressions is innately paramount to our survival. In evolutionary terms, evolution endowed us with the ability to choose another mate in case things do not work out with our existing one. It seems like a lot of work if it isn't in your nature to pursue. The problem is that most adhere to a model inapt for their nature. We may grow to the circumstances, especially if led by a more faithful and dominant lover to whom the desire to please abounds, in cases where the chemistry is right and for as long as the relationship lasts. These are the part-time strictly monogamous kind who marry several times throughout their lives and may or may not have a casual encounter (if they do so, they keep that shit to themselves). 

Happiness can be worn daily by people undergoing a good deal of distress, like a pair of socks that grow dirtier by the day. Change is in order, not just when it comes to our clothes and hygiene. It is a healthy habit to unlearn the corrosive patterns witnessed throughout our formation, to slightly elevate ourselves above our personal history, to cleanse the unnecessary stain of emotions that bind us and anger us. It is a learned trait, not a survival mechanism, to stress over what our partner does with his/her body. It is the cause of unpathomable sorrow. We had to be shown to cultivate this toxic tendency, because whenever it surfaces, it does not seem or feel natural. 

Emotions show us an exaggerated version of ourselves, blown out of proportion into hyperbolic realms. We do not say, "I could eat"; instead, we may feel and often vociferate: "I'm starving." It's a far cry from it. The same occurs when we feel angry, threatened by a predator or a romantic rival. Whatever takes place within the confines of our minds is often expressed in exaggerated form. We see it clearly when it happens to others. Strangers, angered and belligerent, often look childish to the onlookers. It is therefore best to remain aloof to the extent possible in front of situations that others would merit lashing out. Fortunately for us heterosexual men, women represent the perfect practice ground. Nothing in life will test your will and the shit right out of you than your woman. She will call you on it, and she will fight you for no apparent reason. It's a gift; don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You can then choose to embrace her feminine energy with stout and grounded masculinity, plainly speaking, self-control. 

The spectrum of human emotion is wide, thick in its ramifications, long in its overhauling grip, and has an overtly outspoken entity manifest from time to time. We ought to listen to the voices in our heads, lower the volume in which these radical bits of information surface. A phenomenon akin to the bends can be observed under sobering parallels. Like a seasoned diver, we ought to filter and channel their impetous onslaught. If only we were to postpone, in the threshold of urgency called upon to counter the assault or perceived threat, for a few inhalations prior to response... we would fend off much useless nonsense. We do not get mad someday, out of nowhere. We practice madness throughout our lives, until the mind succumbs to its depths knees-deep first, then moves on to half immersed bodies, and finally culminates in full-blown up to our necks lunacy. 

All along, the voices of doom sew the thread of craziness. It's all around us; whether we pick and drop them at once or hold on dearly to their volatile nature, deepens our predicament. Dementia is the ultimate measured reaction. Think of the word itself. Let us not jump into its etymology which is simple enough: an overdone act. Ideally, we cannot help but react at times, and that may be unavoidable. What's not so much so is to abide and transform a reaction, which is bad enough in and of itself, into an overreaction. It can be mastered if we pay attention to it, like everything else in life. It just takes practice. 

Fortunately, existence, as is, enshrouds us with a plentiful bounty of situations going array. We can practice living our lives as an opportunity to be slightly better, if not perfect. Perfectionism is a tiresome prospect. Instead, we may opt for a saner option: leveling our standards. As a comedian on TikTok once joked: "Lower your expectations." No one who prides ifself of self-worth can submit to this maxim. Nonetheless, its wisdom therein seems solid enough for another spin. Why not, instead, level it. 

You don't want to be ever-so demanding, but there is no inherent need to be classically stoic either. Buddhism speaks of a Middle Path. Having experienced the luxurious life as a prince in a kingdom, Siddharta embodied both when he finally abandoned his privileged life and ventured off to find out why there is so much suffering in the world. Perhaps he was fed up with having it so good. Who knows? It happens. After having experienced deprivation and inanition in his wandering, he finds the revelation that satiating our appetite, even enjoying modestly ourselves, was the right path. In layman's terms, neither going hungry nor having too much to eat were it. However, there's a problem with this. We cannot conceive of indulging in activities that represent a significant threat and do so only in moderation. There are drugs, circumstances, even interpersonal relationships that would be inconceivable for some, so partially enjoying them might not be an option. Then, there's the problem with the potential of laziness creeping in. We may choose to only drink alcohol from time to time, but it wouldn't be the same if we were to say the same about crack-cocaine. 

Most of us would not find it okay for our partner to casually engage in sexual relations with another, no matter how predominantly polygamous our ancestors were. We cannot, I presume, steal a little, half-way rape someone. However the act might appear extrapolated, unless it is a convened, simulated act. No one can be awful in small ways. Or rob or kill only on certain holidays. It should be okay, just the same, to extend the paradigm and assert ourselves in the process. It is not in the interest of well-being to engage in acts of self-destruction; neither our loved ones or external societal forces ought to impose their backward views and pierce us with the double-edge sword of a double-standard. 

We shouldn't invest ourselves half-heartedly, but we shouldn't be on a constant search for the next level in thrills. When we acquire high status, it is wasteful to expect far more than solvency. For we cannot be more satisfied with life than we were when we first started. Striving for plenty and then some, and not chasing an endless proverbial tail in vicious circles. 

In some instances, the complete abstination from an activity is the norm. We cannot maim instead of kill and claim that is an acceptable middle ground. Buddhism does not work out the particulars, but it is clear enough. It needs only a more modern filter to pour out its latest iteration. We don't need to have the best body; we may strive to have a slightly better condition over time. We want to grow and attain goals in down-to-size paradigms. Instead of spending decades of our lives chasing after a higher education unless that is your true calling. We can learn throughout our lives, and adapt to the growing demands by venturing in other activities that entail far less investment in time, add to our set of tools in a virtually boundless market. As opposed to one giant field of knowledge, multidimensional traits of erudite instruction that may be coupled with and intertwined. We may find the right path if we have the proper blueprint; everything we ride on comes in waves rivering in potential. 

It is said that you cannot fight fire with fire, but that's precisely what we do when a forest is enveloped in flames: we cut its progression by incinerating a breach in its path and therefore cutting its fuel. Likewise, we can cut off the tides that bind us together but not sever the kindness and discretion interchangeably owed to one another. It may be an abrupt adaptation, a departure out of conformity. It is what the Buddha did when he renounced his riches. For comfort has inherent etymological ties to conformity. We find ourselves too relaxed, and that is not good. Look at the different Buddha figures: in some, he appears ultra slim; in others, extremely obese. Those are the two extremes, and no middle ground can be summoned upon. 

How we process the input-output of this intricate equation, be mindful. The hypothetical tags we put on them make all the difference. You can obsess on health and overthink a dietary decision, frown upon those who have poor choices, find a way to misery through your snobby ways. 

Give up trying to change people. Use that time to better yourself. And do so only for so long. Don't think you'll ever get to the point where there's no need for input. In every moment lies hidden an indifinite amount of creativity to be tapped, unsung iterations of our upgraded selves, by-products of a minimum effortless and concerted effort that undeniably rips its rewards over time. Right now, if we were to conceive of the most pressing matters, and redirect all of our efforts and energy in the task at hand for the time being, for a good portion of our leisure in exchange. We have an everlasting supply of moments to do with. We just gotta pick the ripe fruit and devour it. 

And so, giving up changing others or trying to educate the unwilling, will save us precious time. Time is of essence, and if we choose to sit idly, in a meditative, almost vegetable like state, that is an outstanding alternative. We want, above all, to be curious and prudently open at times, depending on our nature. We answer the door and a whole lot more opens. Those who resist change will invariably change, just not for the better. Betterment is attained; and once it is within our grasp or in our midst, we only have to maintain it. Some may choose to go farther than that. In the end, it causes more turmoil. Some cannot go up enough without wanting to elevate themselves still more. How can you live in a perpetual state of achievement? It may be about mastering how to breathe. Let's face it: we will have to, regardless, so we might as well learn how to do so properly; not only is it within reach: it will transform us, catapult us into an even higher gear. 

Just think, it's hard enough trying to change ourselves. We cannot help but to offer ourselves at times, seemingly aiming to be assistance in an otherwise hopeless situation. To try saving those who aren't interested in challenging their ways is a waste. Like cooking an elaborate meal for a fasting crowd. Or worse yet, people who aren't hungry. You may perhaps want to dig in deeper and understand their wisdom. If they have gotten rid of their hunger, how can that be a bad thing? Satiating one's appetites, as opposed to running around in search of constant gratification, is one fundamental pillar to amass.  

You know that inner game they talk about? It's getting under control the impulses that drive our minds at any given moment. What is the world, if not a social mascarade? said the great German philosopher Schopenhauer. We cannot see others for who they truly are; everything, and everyone, is tainted with our own way of seeing the world. The physicist Albert Einstein himself would have trouble conceiving a new trend in physics that implied "spooky interactions at a distance", and wondered if he ever died, would the moon he experienced would still be there? He found it inconceivable that it would not, as the latest quantum theory stipulated. The moon we experience is an absolute subjective experience, uniquely tailored to the one enthralled in its observation, a phenomenon that has no outer explanation other than that of the observer. A mascarade, too, is a polite way of saying that we all wear psychological masks. Whether we like it or not, our truest self would never be revealed. If so, only blurry, unphantomable projections of mental echoes in a vitological cave, a repertoire of voices, past instances, iddle figments of our imagination overblown to the neat yet unnerved experience, like staring into a mirror for long enough to appear as if it were you who looked at yourself from your own reflection. We can see ourselves in this weirdest condition of being, immersed convincingly in our role. But no one has ever really seen us, themselves or ourselves, really. No one has ever seen their own face, only photographic or mirrored depictions of it. We edit out our noses in the visual field; we have blind spots that cannot be spotted unless properly shown. It is not only that insignificant unseen spot that we mascarate. We have tailored to its most intimate detail the experience of ourselves and others, and everything in between. Except there are no such esoteric items such as "them" or "us" or "me". We cannot find the exact point in time and measure that the world outside begins and our inner self ends. It's all one and the same, an optical illusion at core. 

Think of the problems all of us face: they're heightened by our perception of things. Things, in and of themselves, are within the realm of our perception.  Say you're a fictional character, a boss in a crime family whose daughter has been kidnapped. This scenario plays out all the time: given how much is at stake, the boss usually gives in to the demands. What if the boss did not care too much about a compromising situation such as a kidnap, what if this boss really didn't care for anything that would make him/her change his mind? Then he wouldn't be a pack leader. 

Alpha males enjoy tribal perks that lesser male counterparts only dream of. But the privilege comes at a price: when shit hits the fan, it is up to the strongest among us to put up a fight and fend off any disputed rivalry or claim to its domain by an outsider.

Love is not for the weak

People hurt, in a way, because they accept as painful a situation that has been deemed so by societal norms. We do not want to offend, except perhaps state the obvious. No one can adhere to the demands others have for us, because the more you serve, the more that hunger grows. Instead, we learn to hint at solutions, and entertain ourselves with the prospect of a fleeting instance. We cannot be in the moment; it turns its anecdotal wheels into motion, transcending into a state of being. The present moment therefore is not a static experience, it is like a cascade, it keeps on coming, unfolding, ramifying, in an ever-changing flux. 

We have known this for millennia. The thread that knits a moment to the next can be overlapped like a riveting echo through the conscious walls in a mouthful of air. We pay attention to our breathing becomes nothing is farther than madness and melodrama as is conscious breathing. You cannot do it in an altered state of mind. It may at times seem inescapable to avoid others' disdain or contempt, but how to react to any given stimulus. An array of elements coexist at play, too: the type of environment in which a given subject thrives, the culture, the toxic elements we were exposed to, the time and place where we grew and the people met along the way. So many factors, indeed, that the mere ambition to objectify it lies in peril. 

  

We may seem at the mercy of our emotional whims. Everyone plays a stellar role in this existential theater. We can and ought to rewire our visceral responses, cultivate patience, aplomb, and pragmatism. 

Everywhere we turn, there's an emotional component, a piece of the gutsy puzzle. Our emotions propel us to action, in order for them to be taken seriously, and the voice raised by this entity has to be loud and clear, enough to be inequivobly heard and so clear-cut that all other pressing matters simply subside. The focal imperative then is to be conquered, the issue at hand squashed and until that is the case, the state of inner alertness will not cease nagging at us, relentlessly taunting us. Again, meditation (as in breathing consciously) is as much an indispensable ally as sleep. 

Endgame

You know why your girl insists on going on vacation with you. She wants to make damn sure it is ruined for you, too. The ideal vacation would be having the place just for yourself.

Give each other space. Demand some independence, some autonomy.  You're in a relationship to nurture the growth and evolution of your loved one. Be kind to your lover. Often we put ourselves first and see no farther than our noses. Relationships are not the endgame. Love is.

A Familiarity of Sorts

It is difficult to reconcile the man who writes such libertine essays on masculinity, with the everyday man; understand one thing: I do not condone abuse in any shape or form. That said, when it comes to abuse it usually refers to mean men, who take pleasure in diminishing their women. That is not something a man would do. There are other means of survival other than slaving people; domestic violence is rape and oppression in a domestic scale; you cannot subjugate a tribe, therefore you turn to your most vulnerable and debase them. That has little to do with supremacy and a lot to do with bigotry. They intimidate, threaten, degrade their loved ones, submitting them to their will. Women suffer these types of abuse because they often have kids or feel powerless. Some may even like it and go without uttering a word to anyone outside the vicious cycle of ignored humiliations, playing down offenses as a coping mechanism to truly hide the degree of torment that they find themselves wallowed in, as these willing victims submit themselves more and more, living out a past of drama to which they've grown irreversibly addicted to. 

In a small dose, the less concerned you are with your woman´s dilemmas, the most she´ll come to quietly admire you though she may say otherwise. Women want to see if you tremble at their requests. They do not want you to go and actually give in. In many ways, you will gradually give more and more if you want her to stick around, and she will surrender everything to you. That´s the only way to go about. She´s your property, why else did she let you in? She could´ve chosen any other and his rule might have been a lot worse, but most likely not. I like my woman to be under my rule and I think that there are a lot of women out there who love a man who is in control and takes charge, not that I have anything against women who find this an abominable thing to say. If you want people to see things your way, first take out their eyes and then fill the void with more unanswered questions.  

How do you differentiate one from the other? Between the good and the bad kinds of bad. One is sexy, and it is a role we assume willingly; the girl knows that she is to be girly and the boy plays the bad guy. These are not just stereotypes, some people, not all, prefer things this way. How, then, do we say the one is different than the other? How is a guy who abuses women is different from a guy who plays them? Well, for one, there is obviously one that seems to be the lesser evil. But, again, how to know one from the other?
After all, men who are sure of themselves often disregard the way others may feel about them, and it does make for a little bit of anarchy, that aloof character is somewhat less caring. Of course, we still are men and I don´t know that we have to be all cozy and next what, talk about our feelings? No, supremacy takes care of business; you can only be the man if you take up the actions that make such title worthy of you (yeah, I´m into that whole unfathomable honor code, it´s a guy thing), and whereas the bigot aims at imposing his unquestioned rule, the Supreme Being understands and acknowledges the concerns of his subject, but doesn´t take it out of the bedroom. In other words, we rule our women like good old-fashioned rulers, in the end, we are just as many adventurers and despots as any, and our woman loves us for it. But she isn´t forced to be here, she isn´t threatened to stay. She doesn´t belong to me but still, I tend to objectify her. Not other women, just mine. 

I rule over her. The woman in my life will never stop doing what all the other women in the world do: try and try to get the control from underneath your nose. You can only slap their hands in the attempt, figuratively speaking, or you could spank her. A good slap in the ass, a little groping goes a long way, but of course, that's between lovers. We come to the lands of our lover as conquerors, not as peace/truce dealers, and we will ravish this domain and reap the treasures it hides, and such endeavor demands integrity and strength, not reconciliatory oratory, we came here to blow your mind, not your candle. 

Tell her what to do. I am not always a good boss, no boss is. Am I cruel? Not usually but I could be, often without naughtiness thrown in the mix. I could feel the sting of jealousy but religions away from showing it. I am hot, aiming for cool, but in the surface, dead-cold stone. Your woman doesn´t want a kid. She wants the warrior that ravished lands, the usurper of the throne who poisons everyone in the room just to have his way with the queen. Is he now going to be polite when it comes to making love to the queen? If you are to subdue another land, how will you go about it?
Does it make sense to signal as to when your attack will take place? No, you only take over her, don´t give her much space to maneuver, taunt, spite her feelings, girls flip over nothing, it´s easy to engage their emotions, and they love it when a man calls her on her b.s. Do it often and never apologize for it; deliver it with impeccable humor, undertone of course; and always your cold as stone face with a sudden openness in smile and body language. Let others know that you value your time by valuing theirs, and move on without much hesitation. It looks harder than it is. It´s called flow, and it requires fluid mobility and absence of thought. Thought can be put aside way of taking on actions that will either add bulk to your frame, as in weight-lifting, or bringing about a sense of pride, emotional and financial well-being by being frugal and prudently generous. Be a provider. Never get back home empty-handed. Downplay slights. Most of us, out of these anxious times and days, come out swinging, counter-punching culture we live in. We demand reparations to harms committed toward us. We demand loyalty. Everything is ego this, ego that. Best is to overlook things; act, not react. 

It is something that the meditated mind can achieve effortlessly. To be able to see yourself in the moment and restrain your initial response, calibrate your impulse, it usually takes a breath or two. When you take your time, it makes others take theirs; you bring this energy into the exchange and thereof impact the outcome. The energy with which we confront others, solve dilemmas, implement visions will ultimately dictate the likelihood of success. And it´s not about best intentions, no. It has nothing to do with good and evil. It is whether you feel truly, utterly good about the course of action undertaken, sort of what you would consider a gut-reaction, a visceral feeling. 

Thereby, we want to be polite and cordial in civil dealings, it makes perfect sense; especially if the person at the other end is a cute waitress, or the girl sitting across from you in the train... here, too, discretion plays a bigger man role. She´s never going to be swayed by the attention received; she´s only going to direct her intention unto the attention she hasn´t won yet. In other words, your best chance is to ignore her, but better yet if in time you master things to a realm of indifference. It seems as if these were one and the same a thing, but no: indifference doesn´t require as much effort as ignoring someone which, in and of its ow, it shows a degree of involvement. Indifference is the end-game in the initial phase, to truly detach yourself from the situation and see all entities as one in essence, regardless of thought input, when we are devoid of those ligaments of emotions, shreds of feelings that cover our nakedness of spirit; hereon, we show a face that has no ulterior motive, a faceless mask that we can put on ourselves. Ironically, we find familiarity in strangers who remind us of who we are, and in doing so, we feel as if they were not really much more different than us, a familiarity of sorts. 

Usually, the trick is a spell that combines patience, kindness, curiosity, and a willingness to break through other people´s ostrich-bent ways: one party has to be able to overcome the ambiguity and ambivalence of the other, and that task is usually reserved for the male, or the most dominant of the two. Look at a girl´s constitution, for Christ´s sake. If there were a zombie invasion, will you feel sure if your girl were the one who took it upon herself to go out there and kill the flesh-eating vermin, or will you rather she were the one who intervened in a critical moment, saving your life from the predatory undead sneaking up behind you, so that you could continue killing zombies for her? That role girls play nobly, easing guys´ flimsy path forward overcoming shyness, awkwardness, rejection, heartache, mind-games, cock-teasing, and all the nasty little surprises girls have in store for men. It was never a fair fight: look at her, again. If it were up for them to compete fairly, they would never thrive. After all, they´re dealing with a baser, far more elemental creature who only seeks to satiate its most deprived instincts, of which she is on the higher-end of the hierarchy. Awkward, yes. Women can be mysterious, but that they are so on purpose and without the slightest intention to ever admitting it, is what we men find perplexing. It is not like they´re even aware of it. It´s like muscle memory, you either fight or flight. 

And flight, sometimes, seems like the best course of action.

But fighters know: the fight will give you the best option, if your cause is worth of merit and you carry out your assault with might and perseverance, all things will be granted to you in time. 

Melting the Ice

"You don't break the ice; you melt it" -Damian. 

No means no. And you deserve to be told so, since you're asking for it. You're not leading. 

It may sound pretentious, impetuous... but, like everything else, love isn't egalitarian. Niceness has its utility but in matters of the proverbial heart, reason fades and gives way to a more totalitarian, dictatorship. How many girls have you met that would rather go back to a less well-meaning ex-boyfriend of theirs, not necessarily the best prospect when it comes to responsibility and stability. It's the emotional outburst, the excitement of a brush with the dark side. Of course, you do not want to be rude to her, or abusive. It's more an ideal role play that you embody for her pleasure and entertainment. In time, you'll realize that in assuming your masculine role, you'll have to give more than you take; but take, you will; and the way in which things go, show her the way. Not because you are the man; if she's wiser in some respect (cooking, finances, etc) then, by all means,  let her take care of it. Don't argue with her, oftentimes you'll find she's just venting and by not engaging her in her altered state of mind, you're effectively defusing the situation and not stoking the fire: either firmly disagree without letting her excitement get to you or get out of her turbulent ways.

You ought to be like an iceberg when the inferno-lava of her volcanic madness erupts. Serve as the eye of the hurricane, the center of tranquility in the midst. It's a state of mind that you own, self-control in essence; whether she is aware of it or not,  she will always appreciate your steady hands in handling the upheavals in such inhospitable terrain. Like your woman, people will generally admire your cool demeanor but they will only respect your strength. It is the team that can kick your ass the one you fend to feel the utmost respect for. 

Open up slowly, give her a chance to relax, and get her talking, they lovingly comply. You don't have to say much; just be receptive to what she says, don't come on too strong, keep the sexual agenda off the table in the initial encounters. Give her space to fall in. Pay attention to aspects other than just body parts. Do not stare and always look her in the eye. Not in an intimidating way, just casual, as you should with everyone. Except with them, you can play being slightly rougher, not so cordial, or overtly appeasing. It reeks of neediness, having to be always so pleasant; no one listens to the positive advice, that's why news channels, horror and action films, and fiction books rule. Humans tend to be pessimistic in their views, and trying to dissuade to be otherwise may backfire. It doesn't mean you should be enshrouded in a dark aura, quite the opposite: you should be light and aloof in your approach, misdirect the burning flame of your desire and take things slowly. Your light should guide the way, not blinding others. 

Asking requires permission, it puts the other person above you in the very low position that spells doom in the mating game. Sure, you can't force her either to go along with you. It's really up to her if she wants to follow your lead. If she responds to your call, if she answers; if she looks at you and listens to you in certain way. The more you relax around others, women specially, in all walks of life. How you relate to  The women in your family will tell more about the kind of woman you'll pursue. 
Call it attraction. Hooking up. Asking is boring, it implies an answer; you want to leave little objection but to either be smacked in the face (don't let it faze you, as if you actually loved it, because only a girl would think that's punishment enough. They do realize what's at risk: their own melodrama. Their story, their say. For dramatic purposes, she wants an element of passion (translation: she wants a caveman, a man who owns her and to whom she listens to, a man she respects. No stereotype here, sure there are couples who find happiness in experimenting with a less accentuated polarity, but between lovers certain things can't be reconciled, a masculine core isn't up for negotiation. I will either lead or let you go on your way; I'd listen to reasonable things, I will put up with your aggression and see the child in you. You can scream all you want. But if you behave like a little girl, I'll treat you like one and you'll love it. All the other guys have given you way too many passes, and somehow you feel greatly disillusioned when they don't act like the man you dream of. 

Ever since she was a little girl, she was probably tended to and cared for more than her counterparts, the boys. Boys are loved but we endow them with far greater freedoms than we do with girls. No need to get all chauvinistic about but as men we piss standing up and they sit like good girls. That's how I see it.

Sure, I'll find girls who'd swear that's not the case and call me primitive and say that I'm this macho type. The thing is, I'm not into a girl who wants to boss me around. I simply can't have someone sitting next to me trying to grab from me the steering wheel. You can suggest where you'd like to go, how to best get there, but in the end, I'll choose. 

Contact me with comments at:

damiarenas1@gmail.com

The Allure of Intimacy

Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes -Carl Jung. 

In our minds, they are listening to our message, reading our words, presaging good fortune and good-riddance at once, hello followed by goodbye. Thoughts evoke far away beaches hidden in exotic places all around the tropical globe, ambient landscape music oozes by the television, underwater creatures that induce a soothing and healing effect. And so it is with meditation. 
Mating had become a ritual, something I initially only wanted to get good at and at which I got very good at. The sooner I gave up the mindless ritual of getting or having to be with a girl at any given time, the better; suddenly, being no longer subject to the whimsical pull a cute girl might exert by just happening to be seated across from me in the subway made her intrigued. Her spell can instill doom: it spares no one. Why is this guy the exception? 
I wasn't coming from a place of need. To me, it still is about self-control. It's a bad habit that I rarely break out of. She deserves no less. 

Giving her space to be herself without the sexual innuendos men subconsciously give out. The less it is about a romantic agenda, the better. And not just playing pretend, which can be trying; the best is to embody indifference, not merely act so. 

Keep to yourself. The better you get along with your company, the less you'll seek out others out of necessity, the more you'll naturally attract the world around. Be like the star, let others go around you. Keep your distance but don't be out of sight. The sun is far from earth, but life on earth depends on not being too distant apart or too close.  

Experience that in the absence of that instinctive drive, there is a peace flourishing where there was only despair. It is good to see how we can mimic good vibes. Two souls coming together, complementing one another. Intimacy has its rewards. Knowing what to expect is of great relief when you've been jumping from a miss to a heartache to a rebound to a celibate to just a one-night stand. It all revolved around the same, sex. It wasn't bad; on the contrary, it was so good that it's scary. Scary kind of good. It gets tiring to try and aim for higher ground in constant search of an ideal, a promise fulfilled, a step closer to glory. Sometimes anything raw and mundane will do, drink it up and smoke, do whatever comes easy doing, things we do for fun. Litte things are as airtight fun as those actions that come effortlessy. 
In time, she'll prefer her man to be more subtle, and yet not in the least bit timid about it. She has undesired suitors, passive-aggressively stalking her, some of whom she may take advantage of without the slightest shred of guilt. Don't complain of being used if all you settle for is the role of a servant. You give yourself away before they get a chance to know you; it's just gross. Women want to be able to look up to their man. 

Some men suffer a zombie frenzy-like state syndrome induced by venustraphobia. Not that they fear beautiful women so much as how much these men hate to have this aberration, this nonsensical experience in front of them. They really never learn how to cope with sexual tension in front of what they may deem as desirable mating prospects. 
They find themselves following in their footsteps as zombies of sex always in search of carnal feasts, but of course it's not prudent to act out our desires in public. That's what the weekend is for. It's there where we shine, except I haven't had a night out in ages. To be more specifically, in about a few months. 

We can't escape the animal inside; we can tame it though, minimize the primal urge to jump her bones the minute she comes into sight; nothing like a fit voluptuous body, long silky hair, back and front. As men, we've learnt to compromise: not all girls bring the whole beauty package. Some have a big mind. So, why complain about her ass? Or vice versa. 

Opposites attract, so the bad guy ends up falling for the good girl, it doesn't only happen in movies. Fun in playing the bad guy is that it feels so natural and comes so easy a role, fit like a glove. Of course, it's in your nature as a man to try and decipher things, but when it comes to women is best not to ask or say too much. Instead of trying to figure her out, simply love her for how she is. Love can be the only solution to the alienation we face. As lovers, we often fall for the trap of getting too comfortable too soon. It's that laziness with which some of us drag along throughout the course of our lives that infects our relationships; if we never dared, if we rarely tried and venture out, dine out, walk the park, run, do stuff but some of us tend to be prefer a sedentary existence, rid of all the emotional upheavals of being in love. 
Loving someone we already care deeply about is just as much fun. 
Though not easy to achieve. It is comfy, like worn-out shoes that have grown accustomed and knitted to our symmetry: we just fit right in. 
That's the allure of intimacy. It can be brewed to perfection, like a strong drink; it's not just some sugar-coated coloring powder, just add water. Character is made out of an array of explosive chemical compounds that bind and stick to their legislated guns, no compromising our values... character is the aplomb and diligence with which you handle yourself, your business and others. Family members, friends, co-workers, they all have a story to tell about you. But most importantly, what you have to say about yourself in regards to their assertions. What they say is a reflection, in part, of themselves. What you say, it's still a part of you closer to your truest self than any other foreign entity will ever be. 
Apparently, we only see what we think possible; that's a catch 22, since what's possible is what we see. What if we see the impossible? It's how we're built. But if we look through the foliage of this mirage, we can see their fate maneuvered, evolved selves replicating themselves, perfecting all that's good as is, never subjugating to the status quo. We should be conformed with the notion that change is the order of the day, and that in relentlessly pursuing some goals and lay some psychological mines to ignite the way for those behind, an easy trail to follow.  

That's why we abhor unsteady and wandering minds, indecisiveness, fragmented and disjointed themes, unscathed plots, sultry dames, immediate results, longevity, gold and laughter bordering on madness. It happens if you drink and become euphoric, rules are cast out, instincts prevail. How we deal with our impulsive mind is, like a pet, you domesticate it. You may feel like going to the bathroom but it doesn't mean you shit in front of others. Being aloof saves us tons of time, but playing it out with just those who most strike our fancy is foolproof. 

Ever woke up and found yourself in bed but did not know exactly how you got there? Ever looked down a precipice and staring into its void a step ahead, it is almost as if it were staring back? Ever took a step back out of prudent fear, only to set aside all discretion a moment later and go in for the kill? It is only then that you realize this feeling of being alive, right a la par with the drive to a state of mind other than our current. You can use fear to propel yourself into action or you can cease to exist at any moment in time of your not-choosing. Everything else will take care of itself, even your ebriated body will find its way back home. 

Thing is, you did take care of bringing your drunk self to bed, but in order for it to succeed you had to save energy, and so you chose to deploy temporary memories for the task. How afraid you are that you next to nothing, just fragments, maybe the train fell asleep on the steel cold tracks in between stations and the coming to a standstill in an always buzzing city like New York utterly disrupted the lethargic state of mind in which you found yourself emerged. It's not a mystical outer agent that saves you from yourself; it's your higher state of being, the one who never leaves anyone behind and it's always shouting so that you can catch up. Within all the undisciplined and self-serving memes, mental process-seer-of-all, the mind behind the mindless tasks that consume our lives. The beast that Schopenhauer named "will". The enigmatic entity that Freud denominated "unconscious". Like a zombie in a horror flick, the monster doesn't know itself as you see it for what it is, it doesn't have a conscience. As a specie, we've lost some of our moral fabric. 

Plato spoke of men as trapped in a cave, only seeing their own shadows, and to consciousness as stepping outside the cave and seeing in its full splendor all the life that surrounds us. We can honestly speak of us modern men as trapped in a rectal cave; we gotta stick our heads out of our asses. We've been obscenely narcissistic for far too long. It's time to stop and think slightly bigger for a moment and then find about ways to make that happen. Transforming our body into a calorie-burning machine, rippled with muscles, and read about how to get ahead in all sorts of self-improvement sources, YouTube, especially. You can learn how to cook. How to install a provisional wall, and along the way come up with the idea of turning it into a metaphor for relationships. How to dance bachata? How to anything, really. Movie trailers to movies you'll never go to the theater to see, movies you'll watch whenever they show them on HBO, or Amazon On Demand movies, or any other competitor that may have it for less or for better quality. You'll find Amazon on YouTube but never the other way around. No way. 

I love YouTube because it's pretty much like having your very own channel. A channel that, unlike those on television, can virtually be seen anywhere in the world there's freedom of speech and an internet connection. It's a great wealth of shared information. Toppled that with the fact that I'm happily subscribed to Google Music which aside from a catalog of over 35 million songs it gives me YouTube Red. Need I say more?

It's best that you date only people who can still sleep in their own bed. They choose, instead, to sleep together interchangeably in either his or her bed. That's setting boundaries and at the same time building comfort and rapport. Some couples get there right away; for others, it takes more. 

It's best to have that closure and intimacy, spend quality time together but also each have a place of its own. And in that place, absence will make the heart fonder, and wounds would heal. She'll get time to rest and look replenished, rejuvenated by good sleep that can only come from not sleeping with their man who snores, takes two thirds of the Queens size bed, sleeping like there's no tomorrow and waking up to take on the world. That's way too many macho hormones floating around, any woman tied down to a relationship in which she's daily exposed to her lover under the condition of husband or long-term boyfriend, they appear more ragged and deteriorated than their no-strings-attached counterparts. 

If we expose ourselves too much too early, it might be thrilling in the initial stages, but old dogs can't be pissing all around. Playing the field is like jerking yourself off; once you lose the encumbered posture of your insecurities and simply walk tall, no slouching, right there and then, irrevocably, things change. Things will always change; it's the law by which they're regulated. How and in what way will they change, that's presumably up to us. To an extent. But usually, the best the shot we give it, the more multiple shots we throw, the closer we get to knock this thing out of the park and home run. How we get there, it says a lot about our nature. Do you jerk off or fuck your girl? Why choose one, right? We'll never be satisfied. It's an insatiable itch that even if we were to be served a single virgin every night, we'll still try to see if we can get a night out. Look, as a youngster, my focus was on quantity, and I had a whole lot less possibilities than when I shifted my focus on to quality instead. 

Some species don't hunt often for food because they're smart enough to kill big prey, swallow it slowly, save some for later. It's a miracle when your mighty will wins the day, in the name of honor and pride, sanity, and sometimes so that you can keep your job, get to see your son tonight and find some food on the table after work. 

Maybe I'll travel outside the country, or go to Miami Beach as usual. Hopefully, MMA is sanctioned by the New York State Commission as a safe enough sport to be shown on Madison Square Garden, such as boxing. This way I will go to Vegas and watch it from a bar like I do in New York when MMA fights take place in Vegas. Night venues don't send you off once the fight is over, you get to stay and mingle, drink up! Yeah it's a wonder and a sense of freedom that

It's the good kind, and as women are sages in this respect; they prefer exclusive relationships as opposed to men, who favor variety. It's not that women are bounded by more strict moral codes than us men. I said "prefer", not necessarily a mandate. Their libido can be a powerful drive in seeking and keeping a sense of harmony in her life which usually revolves around those she cares for. Men aren't as selfless. We do contribute but in most cases not nearly as much as women put in. 

In our youth, and in some cases well into obstinate age, men take unnecessary risks, unwarranted gambles. If you want to move out of the neighborhood you were born and raised, and take your family along, that's a safe bet: you plan and take action. It's risky, to step out of your element, to try something new, to envision a parallel route. We ought to examine ourselves from time to time, come to grips with the realization that our time here is limited and that we can only choose to make ourselves and others happy. By being happy, you no longer look for happiness elsewhere. Instead, everywhere you may enter, happiness arrives. Wherever your path takes you, disseminate seeds of joy, plant adventures, cultivate kindness. 

Bravery in Love

Persistence wins the game; but persistence is cunning and immaculately patient, in laying out the tentacles of its traps, it doesn't just bite with predatory teeth but infallible venom. Persistence, it takes more art and prose, though it can be vague and downright vulgar. In the end, you win over with love. For what is hate if not love in disguise? 
You may have to temper your impulses and act more in the moment, here and now, as opposed to improvise or give a verbal snapshot. A meme. 

It's cultivating relationships rather than just devouring the fruit. It's something you do from the minute you meet someone; if it comes as a lack from within, an inner vacuum, as if you were trying to prove something to yourself, then the response is not going to be favorable. It usually has something to do with the way you assume command that may question how the mission unfolds. Oh let's not kid ourselves, this is warfare. And as such, you don't make moves that they can see from miles away. 

It's fine if we're not welcome (rare though but it happens, and I love that it does, because hearing a "no" here and then keeps me engaged, what a fresh start. Rejection may mean that you moved in too fast. And even if you do take your time, and sharpen your edge, you still can at times miss your aim. It has happened. 

So, don't take rejection too personally, we tend to link how we get the girl with our self-esteem; instead, focus on your own void, fix things there, start getting alone with yourself before you think that the answer is out there in the shape of a woman. But if there's anything a woman loathes more than anything else is a needy man. If a girl rejects a guy it usually has to do with a million reasons inside her head than not. If most girls you approach reject you, then focus on your inner game/style/confidence. There, you'll find the source of all that ails you. Don't take these belongings of yours to the women in your life. As men, we got to deal with our issues and not make women the sole reason of being. A woman plays an indispensable part in a man's life; but his life should be about so much more, and women will resent your lack of vision and ambition if it is about her and not about your dreams what you are after. 

Women may be on the other side of this spectrum. They have an innate proclivity to make bonds that last a lifetime, like that of bearing children. Daughters tend to be closer to mothers than boys; sisters, if you have them, they never leave you alone. You can't escape the women in your family, they will follow you till dusk and leech around and fester with their good omens and commendations. Women can be dangerous if left unmarried, but even when they're married they still aren't at ease. Marital dissatisfaction is far more common than being satisfied with your spouse. No one's saying women are crazy, but that they can drive you there sometimes. And the weird thing about it is that some men go for a ride again and again. 

No drama, please. I don't often ask for favors, but lessening the melodramatic element, watering it down (you 

Usually, the last thing on a girl's mind is to hurt someone she's trying to reject. If it's a guy who she really has no interest in (and hey, guys, it's rare but it happens), she's either gonna try to spare the guy's feelings (especially if the guy was dumb enough to involve feeling memes in the first place). She may have something else better, or be playing hard to get. You have to be pushy sometimes, but always in a nonchalant way, not out of a need to be fulfilled but a want. Remember: you want her; you don't need her. 

Feelings of need evoke acts of desperation, ridicule follows, not a good prognosis. That need you feel of her isn't going away by having your way with her. It can only work if you completely give it up. Giving girls up before you try to pick them up is what creates all of that magical aura of relaxation, playfulness, like we did when we were kids and puberty hadn't ravished our innocence. Who know what then? Don't revert to that state of confusion, just let her go before you bring her in. She'll feel it, for you have bestowed a rare gift upon her: it's not what you want from her what you are after. It's her. And she can't help but feel genuinely and mutually attracted to you. It doesn't mean that she'll sleep with you. We didn't spend our time having sex; it takes years to mature and really appreciate intimacy. It is built with the same ingredients of passion and rawness, except it is more so than just that, it is that human bond that brings us together. Attraction is irrational, but so are we. 

If it worries what her response might be, it might be that her response has a lot to do with how you pose your question. And what is still far more important: how will you respond to her initial response. You should be prepared. Girls have all the angles, and in this emotional arena they reign supreme. We don't like to admit it but even the best of us are poorly equipped to deal the psychological warfare to which women in our everyday lives put us through. We're outnumbered; outgunned. We have very poor hygiene, and we're not afraid to walk on the wild side. We have an ancestry built around nomad tribes that migrated, waged war and made love in the savannas, a highly adaptable and successful specie. And so long as there was food and shelter, and as long as we weren't running away from a predator or preying on other animals ourselves, we fucked our way to more than seven billion of us. 

Be brave, it is a lover's gift, bravery being characteristic of a generous soul, it tips the ambivalence in its favor. Love is brave, it shows its face and it doesn't hide behind the ego into account because it has bankrolled you to behave egotistically in the past, time and again. We do things that make us be in peace with those around us, that's how we thrive socially; but in the mingling realm that is not the way things work, here casual questions are mating acquisitions in pretense and disguised, you politely ask a girl out for coffee when you really want to just rip her dress off and ravish her right there and then. And possibly way before then, ever since she walked into the same room. That instinct has got to be suppressed to the point of almost extinction. 

when the work is over and the night falls, or in coffee shops as grown-ups often do, Starbucks is the best place to meet people, once a friend said. I said, anywhere but there, and that's how the magic begins. Somehow, if you're not looking for it, though it may still be lingering in an unconscious subterfuge, it materializes out of thin air and manifests itself in the form of a girl when you were just really there for the music. 

It doesn't take guts to actually ask her out but in the way that you do so, not in the least bit apologetic about it. Your timidity then can cost you: it translates somehow to her that you are, in deed, a pussy and therefore not worth her time. It's boring, so don't do it. 

Your response should to her yes or her no should lack emotion. It'll be so for her, the more your energy is centered, the more your masculine core is fixed and grounded without the slightest stain of fear, maybe a heightened state of mind in which your former self is transcended and your gravity will make others orbit around you. Not being sure should be part of her ambivalence, not your goal to dwell in valence, you be persistent, not insistent. Persist; don't insist. She gets to play the feminine role, and in that realm of things, to paraphrase, in layman's terms: she gets to be the pussy. You know the role. Some guys even play it themselves, and that is why girls run away from them. It's simple: she gets to play the pussy role and you get to play the dick. It's the part you were born for. 

They already have a pussy, so don't turn into that girlfriend with a dick, that handy doormat. Dick is what they seek, and dick is what they should get. So, guys, don't be pussies! Man up, go and tease her, be playful, bold; she gets to be the girl, hence her antics. So long as you you keep your cool, double your bets, or back down gracefully, all is fair.