"You don't break the ice; you melt it" -Damian.
No means no. And you deserve to be told so, since you're asking for it. You're not leading.
It may sound pretentious, impetuous... but, like everything else, love isn't egalitarian. Niceness has its utility but in matters of the proverbial heart, reason fades and gives way to a more totalitarian, dictatorship. How many girls have you met that would rather go back to a less well-meaning ex-boyfriend of theirs, not necessarily the best prospect when it comes to responsibility and stability. It's the emotional outburst, the excitement of a brush with the dark side. Of course, you do not want to be rude to her, or abusive. It's more an ideal role play that you embody for her pleasure and entertainment. In time, you'll realize that in assuming your masculine role, you'll have to give more than you take; but take, you will; and the way in which things go, show her the way. Not because you are the man; if she's wiser in some respect (cooking, finances, etc) then, by all means, let her take care of it. Don't argue with her, oftentimes you'll find she's just venting and by not engaging her in her altered state of mind, you're effectively defusing the situation and not stoking the fire: either firmly disagree without letting her excitement get to you or get out of her turbulent ways.
You ought to be like an iceberg when the inferno-lava of her volcanic madness erupts. Serve as the eye of the hurricane, the center of tranquility in the midst. It's a state of mind that you own, self-control in essence; whether she is aware of it or not, she will always appreciate your steady hands in handling the upheavals in such inhospitable terrain. Like your woman, people will generally admire your cool demeanor but they will only respect your strength. It is the team that can kick your ass the one you fend to feel the utmost respect for.
Open up slowly, give her a chance to relax, and get her talking, they lovingly comply. You don't have to say much; just be receptive to what she says, don't come on too strong, keep the sexual agenda off the table in the initial encounters. Give her space to fall in. Pay attention to aspects other than just body parts. Do not stare and always look her in the eye. Not in an intimidating way, just casual, as you should with everyone. Except with them, you can play being slightly rougher, not so cordial, or overtly appeasing. It reeks of neediness, having to be always so pleasant; no one listens to the positive advice, that's why news channels, horror and action films, and fiction books rule. Humans tend to be pessimistic in their views, and trying to dissuade to be otherwise may backfire. It doesn't mean you should be enshrouded in a dark aura, quite the opposite: you should be light and aloof in your approach, misdirect the burning flame of your desire and take things slowly. Your light should guide the way, not blinding others.
Asking requires permission, it puts the other person above you in the very low position that spells doom in the mating game. Sure, you can't force her either to go along with you. It's really up to her if she wants to follow your lead. If she responds to your call, if she answers; if she looks at you and listens to you in certain way. The more you relax around others, women specially, in all walks of life. How you relate to The women in your family will tell more about the kind of woman you'll pursue.
Call it attraction. Hooking up. Asking is boring, it implies an answer; you want to leave little objection but to either be smacked in the face (don't let it faze you, as if you actually loved it, because only a girl would think that's punishment enough. They do realize what's at risk: their own melodrama. Their story, their say. For dramatic purposes, she wants an element of passion (translation: she wants a caveman, a man who owns her and to whom she listens to, a man she respects. No stereotype here, sure there are couples who find happiness in experimenting with a less accentuated polarity, but between lovers certain things can't be reconciled, a masculine core isn't up for negotiation. I will either lead or let you go on your way; I'd listen to reasonable things, I will put up with your aggression and see the child in you. You can scream all you want. But if you behave like a little girl, I'll treat you like one and you'll love it. All the other guys have given you way too many passes, and somehow you feel greatly disillusioned when they don't act like the man you dream of.
Asking requires permission, it puts the other person above you in the very low position that spells doom in the mating game. Sure, you can't force her either to go along with you. It's really up to her if she wants to follow your lead. If she responds to your call, if she answers; if she looks at you and listens to you in certain way. The more you relax around others, women specially, in all walks of life. How you relate to The women in your family will tell more about the kind of woman you'll pursue.
Call it attraction. Hooking up. Asking is boring, it implies an answer; you want to leave little objection but to either be smacked in the face (don't let it faze you, as if you actually loved it, because only a girl would think that's punishment enough. They do realize what's at risk: their own melodrama. Their story, their say. For dramatic purposes, she wants an element of passion (translation: she wants a caveman, a man who owns her and to whom she listens to, a man she respects. No stereotype here, sure there are couples who find happiness in experimenting with a less accentuated polarity, but between lovers certain things can't be reconciled, a masculine core isn't up for negotiation. I will either lead or let you go on your way; I'd listen to reasonable things, I will put up with your aggression and see the child in you. You can scream all you want. But if you behave like a little girl, I'll treat you like one and you'll love it. All the other guys have given you way too many passes, and somehow you feel greatly disillusioned when they don't act like the man you dream of.
Ever since she was a little girl, she was probably tended to and cared for more than her counterparts, the boys. Boys are loved but we endow them with far greater freedoms than we do with girls. No need to get all chauvinistic about but as men we piss standing up and they sit like good girls. That's how I see it.
Sure, I'll find girls who'd swear that's not the case and call me primitive and say that I'm this macho type. The thing is, I'm not into a girl who wants to boss me around. I simply can't have someone sitting next to me trying to grab from me the steering wheel. You can suggest where you'd like to go, how to best get there, but in the end, I'll choose.
Contact me with comments at:
damiarenas1@gmail.com
