The Allure of Intimacy

Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes -Carl Jung. 

In our minds, they are listening to our message, reading our words, presaging good fortune and good-riddance at once, hello followed by goodbye. Thoughts evoke far away beaches hidden in exotic places all around the tropical globe, ambient landscape music oozes by the television, underwater creatures that induce a soothing and healing effect. And so it is with meditation. 
Mating had become a ritual, something I initially only wanted to get good at and at which I got very good at. The sooner I gave up the mindless ritual of getting or having to be with a girl at any given time, the better; suddenly, being no longer subject to the whimsical pull a cute girl might exert by just happening to be seated across from me in the subway made her intrigued. Her spell can instill doom: it spares no one. Why is this guy the exception? 
I wasn't coming from a place of need. To me, it still is about self-control. It's a bad habit that I rarely break out of. She deserves no less. 

Giving her space to be herself without the sexual innuendos men subconsciously give out. The less it is about a romantic agenda, the better. And not just playing pretend, which can be trying; the best is to embody indifference, not merely act so. 

Keep to yourself. The better you get along with your company, the less you'll seek out others out of necessity, the more you'll naturally attract the world around. Be like the star, let others go around you. Keep your distance but don't be out of sight. The sun is far from earth, but life on earth depends on not being too distant apart or too close.  

Experience that in the absence of that instinctive drive, there is a peace flourishing where there was only despair. It is good to see how we can mimic good vibes. Two souls coming together, complementing one another. Intimacy has its rewards. Knowing what to expect is of great relief when you've been jumping from a miss to a heartache to a rebound to a celibate to just a one-night stand. It all revolved around the same, sex. It wasn't bad; on the contrary, it was so good that it's scary. Scary kind of good. It gets tiring to try and aim for higher ground in constant search of an ideal, a promise fulfilled, a step closer to glory. Sometimes anything raw and mundane will do, drink it up and smoke, do whatever comes easy doing, things we do for fun. Litte things are as airtight fun as those actions that come effortlessy. 
In time, she'll prefer her man to be more subtle, and yet not in the least bit timid about it. She has undesired suitors, passive-aggressively stalking her, some of whom she may take advantage of without the slightest shred of guilt. Don't complain of being used if all you settle for is the role of a servant. You give yourself away before they get a chance to know you; it's just gross. Women want to be able to look up to their man. 

Some men suffer a zombie frenzy-like state syndrome induced by venustraphobia. Not that they fear beautiful women so much as how much these men hate to have this aberration, this nonsensical experience in front of them. They really never learn how to cope with sexual tension in front of what they may deem as desirable mating prospects. 
They find themselves following in their footsteps as zombies of sex always in search of carnal feasts, but of course it's not prudent to act out our desires in public. That's what the weekend is for. It's there where we shine, except I haven't had a night out in ages. To be more specifically, in about a few months. 

We can't escape the animal inside; we can tame it though, minimize the primal urge to jump her bones the minute she comes into sight; nothing like a fit voluptuous body, long silky hair, back and front. As men, we've learnt to compromise: not all girls bring the whole beauty package. Some have a big mind. So, why complain about her ass? Or vice versa. 

Opposites attract, so the bad guy ends up falling for the good girl, it doesn't only happen in movies. Fun in playing the bad guy is that it feels so natural and comes so easy a role, fit like a glove. Of course, it's in your nature as a man to try and decipher things, but when it comes to women is best not to ask or say too much. Instead of trying to figure her out, simply love her for how she is. Love can be the only solution to the alienation we face. As lovers, we often fall for the trap of getting too comfortable too soon. It's that laziness with which some of us drag along throughout the course of our lives that infects our relationships; if we never dared, if we rarely tried and venture out, dine out, walk the park, run, do stuff but some of us tend to be prefer a sedentary existence, rid of all the emotional upheavals of being in love. 
Loving someone we already care deeply about is just as much fun. 
Though not easy to achieve. It is comfy, like worn-out shoes that have grown accustomed and knitted to our symmetry: we just fit right in. 
That's the allure of intimacy. It can be brewed to perfection, like a strong drink; it's not just some sugar-coated coloring powder, just add water. Character is made out of an array of explosive chemical compounds that bind and stick to their legislated guns, no compromising our values... character is the aplomb and diligence with which you handle yourself, your business and others. Family members, friends, co-workers, they all have a story to tell about you. But most importantly, what you have to say about yourself in regards to their assertions. What they say is a reflection, in part, of themselves. What you say, it's still a part of you closer to your truest self than any other foreign entity will ever be. 
Apparently, we only see what we think possible; that's a catch 22, since what's possible is what we see. What if we see the impossible? It's how we're built. But if we look through the foliage of this mirage, we can see their fate maneuvered, evolved selves replicating themselves, perfecting all that's good as is, never subjugating to the status quo. We should be conformed with the notion that change is the order of the day, and that in relentlessly pursuing some goals and lay some psychological mines to ignite the way for those behind, an easy trail to follow.  

That's why we abhor unsteady and wandering minds, indecisiveness, fragmented and disjointed themes, unscathed plots, sultry dames, immediate results, longevity, gold and laughter bordering on madness. It happens if you drink and become euphoric, rules are cast out, instincts prevail. How we deal with our impulsive mind is, like a pet, you domesticate it. You may feel like going to the bathroom but it doesn't mean you shit in front of others. Being aloof saves us tons of time, but playing it out with just those who most strike our fancy is foolproof. 

Ever woke up and found yourself in bed but did not know exactly how you got there? Ever looked down a precipice and staring into its void a step ahead, it is almost as if it were staring back? Ever took a step back out of prudent fear, only to set aside all discretion a moment later and go in for the kill? It is only then that you realize this feeling of being alive, right a la par with the drive to a state of mind other than our current. You can use fear to propel yourself into action or you can cease to exist at any moment in time of your not-choosing. Everything else will take care of itself, even your ebriated body will find its way back home. 

Thing is, you did take care of bringing your drunk self to bed, but in order for it to succeed you had to save energy, and so you chose to deploy temporary memories for the task. How afraid you are that you next to nothing, just fragments, maybe the train fell asleep on the steel cold tracks in between stations and the coming to a standstill in an always buzzing city like New York utterly disrupted the lethargic state of mind in which you found yourself emerged. It's not a mystical outer agent that saves you from yourself; it's your higher state of being, the one who never leaves anyone behind and it's always shouting so that you can catch up. Within all the undisciplined and self-serving memes, mental process-seer-of-all, the mind behind the mindless tasks that consume our lives. The beast that Schopenhauer named "will". The enigmatic entity that Freud denominated "unconscious". Like a zombie in a horror flick, the monster doesn't know itself as you see it for what it is, it doesn't have a conscience. As a specie, we've lost some of our moral fabric. 

Plato spoke of men as trapped in a cave, only seeing their own shadows, and to consciousness as stepping outside the cave and seeing in its full splendor all the life that surrounds us. We can honestly speak of us modern men as trapped in a rectal cave; we gotta stick our heads out of our asses. We've been obscenely narcissistic for far too long. It's time to stop and think slightly bigger for a moment and then find about ways to make that happen. Transforming our body into a calorie-burning machine, rippled with muscles, and read about how to get ahead in all sorts of self-improvement sources, YouTube, especially. You can learn how to cook. How to install a provisional wall, and along the way come up with the idea of turning it into a metaphor for relationships. How to dance bachata? How to anything, really. Movie trailers to movies you'll never go to the theater to see, movies you'll watch whenever they show them on HBO, or Amazon On Demand movies, or any other competitor that may have it for less or for better quality. You'll find Amazon on YouTube but never the other way around. No way. 

I love YouTube because it's pretty much like having your very own channel. A channel that, unlike those on television, can virtually be seen anywhere in the world there's freedom of speech and an internet connection. It's a great wealth of shared information. Toppled that with the fact that I'm happily subscribed to Google Music which aside from a catalog of over 35 million songs it gives me YouTube Red. Need I say more?

It's best that you date only people who can still sleep in their own bed. They choose, instead, to sleep together interchangeably in either his or her bed. That's setting boundaries and at the same time building comfort and rapport. Some couples get there right away; for others, it takes more. 

It's best to have that closure and intimacy, spend quality time together but also each have a place of its own. And in that place, absence will make the heart fonder, and wounds would heal. She'll get time to rest and look replenished, rejuvenated by good sleep that can only come from not sleeping with their man who snores, takes two thirds of the Queens size bed, sleeping like there's no tomorrow and waking up to take on the world. That's way too many macho hormones floating around, any woman tied down to a relationship in which she's daily exposed to her lover under the condition of husband or long-term boyfriend, they appear more ragged and deteriorated than their no-strings-attached counterparts. 

If we expose ourselves too much too early, it might be thrilling in the initial stages, but old dogs can't be pissing all around. Playing the field is like jerking yourself off; once you lose the encumbered posture of your insecurities and simply walk tall, no slouching, right there and then, irrevocably, things change. Things will always change; it's the law by which they're regulated. How and in what way will they change, that's presumably up to us. To an extent. But usually, the best the shot we give it, the more multiple shots we throw, the closer we get to knock this thing out of the park and home run. How we get there, it says a lot about our nature. Do you jerk off or fuck your girl? Why choose one, right? We'll never be satisfied. It's an insatiable itch that even if we were to be served a single virgin every night, we'll still try to see if we can get a night out. Look, as a youngster, my focus was on quantity, and I had a whole lot less possibilities than when I shifted my focus on to quality instead. 

Some species don't hunt often for food because they're smart enough to kill big prey, swallow it slowly, save some for later. It's a miracle when your mighty will wins the day, in the name of honor and pride, sanity, and sometimes so that you can keep your job, get to see your son tonight and find some food on the table after work. 

Maybe I'll travel outside the country, or go to Miami Beach as usual. Hopefully, MMA is sanctioned by the New York State Commission as a safe enough sport to be shown on Madison Square Garden, such as boxing. This way I will go to Vegas and watch it from a bar like I do in New York when MMA fights take place in Vegas. Night venues don't send you off once the fight is over, you get to stay and mingle, drink up! Yeah it's a wonder and a sense of freedom that

It's the good kind, and as women are sages in this respect; they prefer exclusive relationships as opposed to men, who favor variety. It's not that women are bounded by more strict moral codes than us men. I said "prefer", not necessarily a mandate. Their libido can be a powerful drive in seeking and keeping a sense of harmony in her life which usually revolves around those she cares for. Men aren't as selfless. We do contribute but in most cases not nearly as much as women put in. 

In our youth, and in some cases well into obstinate age, men take unnecessary risks, unwarranted gambles. If you want to move out of the neighborhood you were born and raised, and take your family along, that's a safe bet: you plan and take action. It's risky, to step out of your element, to try something new, to envision a parallel route. We ought to examine ourselves from time to time, come to grips with the realization that our time here is limited and that we can only choose to make ourselves and others happy. By being happy, you no longer look for happiness elsewhere. Instead, everywhere you may enter, happiness arrives. Wherever your path takes you, disseminate seeds of joy, plant adventures, cultivate kindness. 

Bravery in Love

Persistence wins the game; but persistence is cunning and immaculately patient, in laying out the tentacles of its traps, it doesn't just bite with predatory teeth but infallible venom. Persistence, it takes more art and prose, though it can be vague and downright vulgar. In the end, you win over with love. For what is hate if not love in disguise? 
You may have to temper your impulses and act more in the moment, here and now, as opposed to improvise or give a verbal snapshot. A meme. 

It's cultivating relationships rather than just devouring the fruit. It's something you do from the minute you meet someone; if it comes as a lack from within, an inner vacuum, as if you were trying to prove something to yourself, then the response is not going to be favorable. It usually has something to do with the way you assume command that may question how the mission unfolds. Oh let's not kid ourselves, this is warfare. And as such, you don't make moves that they can see from miles away. 

It's fine if we're not welcome (rare though but it happens, and I love that it does, because hearing a "no" here and then keeps me engaged, what a fresh start. Rejection may mean that you moved in too fast. And even if you do take your time, and sharpen your edge, you still can at times miss your aim. It has happened. 

So, don't take rejection too personally, we tend to link how we get the girl with our self-esteem; instead, focus on your own void, fix things there, start getting alone with yourself before you think that the answer is out there in the shape of a woman. But if there's anything a woman loathes more than anything else is a needy man. If a girl rejects a guy it usually has to do with a million reasons inside her head than not. If most girls you approach reject you, then focus on your inner game/style/confidence. There, you'll find the source of all that ails you. Don't take these belongings of yours to the women in your life. As men, we got to deal with our issues and not make women the sole reason of being. A woman plays an indispensable part in a man's life; but his life should be about so much more, and women will resent your lack of vision and ambition if it is about her and not about your dreams what you are after. 

Women may be on the other side of this spectrum. They have an innate proclivity to make bonds that last a lifetime, like that of bearing children. Daughters tend to be closer to mothers than boys; sisters, if you have them, they never leave you alone. You can't escape the women in your family, they will follow you till dusk and leech around and fester with their good omens and commendations. Women can be dangerous if left unmarried, but even when they're married they still aren't at ease. Marital dissatisfaction is far more common than being satisfied with your spouse. No one's saying women are crazy, but that they can drive you there sometimes. And the weird thing about it is that some men go for a ride again and again. 

No drama, please. I don't often ask for favors, but lessening the melodramatic element, watering it down (you 

Usually, the last thing on a girl's mind is to hurt someone she's trying to reject. If it's a guy who she really has no interest in (and hey, guys, it's rare but it happens), she's either gonna try to spare the guy's feelings (especially if the guy was dumb enough to involve feeling memes in the first place). She may have something else better, or be playing hard to get. You have to be pushy sometimes, but always in a nonchalant way, not out of a need to be fulfilled but a want. Remember: you want her; you don't need her. 

Feelings of need evoke acts of desperation, ridicule follows, not a good prognosis. That need you feel of her isn't going away by having your way with her. It can only work if you completely give it up. Giving girls up before you try to pick them up is what creates all of that magical aura of relaxation, playfulness, like we did when we were kids and puberty hadn't ravished our innocence. Who know what then? Don't revert to that state of confusion, just let her go before you bring her in. She'll feel it, for you have bestowed a rare gift upon her: it's not what you want from her what you are after. It's her. And she can't help but feel genuinely and mutually attracted to you. It doesn't mean that she'll sleep with you. We didn't spend our time having sex; it takes years to mature and really appreciate intimacy. It is built with the same ingredients of passion and rawness, except it is more so than just that, it is that human bond that brings us together. Attraction is irrational, but so are we. 

If it worries what her response might be, it might be that her response has a lot to do with how you pose your question. And what is still far more important: how will you respond to her initial response. You should be prepared. Girls have all the angles, and in this emotional arena they reign supreme. We don't like to admit it but even the best of us are poorly equipped to deal the psychological warfare to which women in our everyday lives put us through. We're outnumbered; outgunned. We have very poor hygiene, and we're not afraid to walk on the wild side. We have an ancestry built around nomad tribes that migrated, waged war and made love in the savannas, a highly adaptable and successful specie. And so long as there was food and shelter, and as long as we weren't running away from a predator or preying on other animals ourselves, we fucked our way to more than seven billion of us. 

Be brave, it is a lover's gift, bravery being characteristic of a generous soul, it tips the ambivalence in its favor. Love is brave, it shows its face and it doesn't hide behind the ego into account because it has bankrolled you to behave egotistically in the past, time and again. We do things that make us be in peace with those around us, that's how we thrive socially; but in the mingling realm that is not the way things work, here casual questions are mating acquisitions in pretense and disguised, you politely ask a girl out for coffee when you really want to just rip her dress off and ravish her right there and then. And possibly way before then, ever since she walked into the same room. That instinct has got to be suppressed to the point of almost extinction. 

when the work is over and the night falls, or in coffee shops as grown-ups often do, Starbucks is the best place to meet people, once a friend said. I said, anywhere but there, and that's how the magic begins. Somehow, if you're not looking for it, though it may still be lingering in an unconscious subterfuge, it materializes out of thin air and manifests itself in the form of a girl when you were just really there for the music. 

It doesn't take guts to actually ask her out but in the way that you do so, not in the least bit apologetic about it. Your timidity then can cost you: it translates somehow to her that you are, in deed, a pussy and therefore not worth her time. It's boring, so don't do it. 

Your response should to her yes or her no should lack emotion. It'll be so for her, the more your energy is centered, the more your masculine core is fixed and grounded without the slightest stain of fear, maybe a heightened state of mind in which your former self is transcended and your gravity will make others orbit around you. Not being sure should be part of her ambivalence, not your goal to dwell in valence, you be persistent, not insistent. Persist; don't insist. She gets to play the feminine role, and in that realm of things, to paraphrase, in layman's terms: she gets to be the pussy. You know the role. Some guys even play it themselves, and that is why girls run away from them. It's simple: she gets to play the pussy role and you get to play the dick. It's the part you were born for. 

They already have a pussy, so don't turn into that girlfriend with a dick, that handy doormat. Dick is what they seek, and dick is what they should get. So, guys, don't be pussies! Man up, go and tease her, be playful, bold; she gets to be the girl, hence her antics. So long as you you keep your cool, double your bets, or back down gracefully, all is fair. 

Ego Chips:

I coined the phrase "Ego Chips" from Carlos Xuma who mentioned it in one of formerly known as David De Angelo's "Interviews With Dating Gurus".
Lovers give and have endurance, patience, there are many ways you can give. Thing is, we evolved from tribes where an insult could result in being publicly shamed: you may never find a mate if word gets out that someone slighted you and you did not return fire. But in reality, what threat does it pose to extend a courtesy to a stranger, do good all around and keep an upbeat attitude, that all takes energy and effort. Caring, it takes effort; some may say it's rewarding, but it gets tiring. That's why you hit the gym, nothing spells confidence like being fit. Everyone around wants a great body; few have the discipline and carry-through character to make it happen. That's why strong men tend to be more assertive than their weakling counterparts. It's an attitude proper of an individual that has earned it. And it's not a sedentary title; there's no "after" you earn it. You have to keep up earning it. It takes hard work and it pays off. 

In dealing with others, as a man, you need to take the initiative. I rather make it about something other than hitting on women or, what's worse, flirting. I tend to be above all that, we're adults and we can deal with sexual tension. I choose to be okay with that fact and be charming as you pass me by, because I can almost detect your presence from afar. It is sometimes as if we were in sync, tuned into each other. We've known each other for years and it doesn't get old. It's fun to see each other and pretend we're really not there because we're really not and because we play pretend games all day long, as if the life that runs in our heads would supplant the realness of that which stands. We're gamblers. We're players.
We should reduce the anxiety that a beautiful girl causes us. It's how you show her that you really are in control. It's not the end of the world, given our reaction, as if we were dealing with a life-or-death situation.
So, we react as if it were a threat to our survival because that is how our subconscious perceives it, magnifying it so that it appears more urgent, so that we take measures in order to solve the matter. To get us to do what is essential in order to survive. When we move on, we're adapting. When we work, we're producing, earning our livelihood. Every aspect of our lives can and should be slightly improved, if it is to be mastered. We won't find that elusive perfection but we'll always search for it until we come really close to it. You ought to be better in every conceivable way. Wake up early as a new day dawns, find a reason that day to do something that you have postponed. Throw the dice again every time you open your eyes and see the world before your eyes. It's a good bet.

A Battle of Egos

You take what's yours; it isn't given. It's not won by indifference, though there were notable absences. Moments of doubt, resentment, a battle of egos. An exaggeration of feelings that leads to raw emotions, sparking unintended consequences. It is best to exert self-restraint in chaotic moments; sail back to calmer waters. It's not reason the voice we come back to answer; anger can be very logical and persuasive as well. Except, given your altered state of mind, the tonality, the verbal onslaught that serve as telltale signs of your heightened mood. Such unnerved inner motions can derail us from our aim; lack of courage, cowardice, can be a prison all in its own and it is up to us to break free and run. It's okay to be afraid if it's done so actively, lively. Fear will protect you in some instances, a brush of madness can go a long way, but that's that. You, too, need to let go and embrace the unknown, open yourself up to new situations, conspire to be happy. 

We often recreate our worst nightmares, by worrying, for instance, it is as if we were rehearsing those very wary scenarios in our mind; sometimes, what we fear comes to be, especially if all we do about something is worry of it. Worry has its uses; it's like an alarm going off, you snooze it and if you're not up in predetermined amount of time, it'd go off again, and again, until you wake up. Worry is a wake-up call to action, and the only way we can deal with preoccupation is by occupying ourselves; action defeats all worrisome states of mind. It is through action that ideals manifest, dreams lose their ethereal veil and gain traction in reality, edified moments that were not more than mere specters of our most inner cravings and wants. We are vain creatures, it's what made us more adaptable, our appreciation for mundane items, earthly shiny minerals and primal appetite, our curiosity only served our narcissistic endeavour. Take a look around: all the Buddhist modest temples built, all the vanity that lies in every selfless act, all the despotic themes entailed in kindness, compassion and that most mystifying elusive creature called "love". Altruism is nothing more than sophisticated selfishness. 

And so, a duel between madness and reason ensues, we're nothing short of divided within. Powerful forces fuel our predisposed and deterministic mental processes, paradox after paradox are embedded; our minds, it seems at times, aren't ours. Our ego whispers like the proverbial shoulder devil, enticing us, tempting us, to go all up in arms. We want to retreat, to give peace a chance, but all that hippie shit won't suffice. We inherited warrior-like DNA, history has been nothing more than a succession of tyrannies, victor takes all. 

It's no different in the arena of lust which is a heightened state of love. We're not in control then; it's okay to lose control, let go, give in. In love, we surrender; in love, we wage warfare against egotistical demons, shadow upon coercive shadow... in laying our weapons, surrendering our will, we succumb unto one another until we no longer are an entity, but tentacles of a singular being, intertwined souls, meshed and bounded. 

It takes courage to give in. You can't let go, unless it is done completely, with abandonment. You can't forgive if you can't forget. You can't forget and, by default, somewhat start the healing. It is silly the reason why we fight: We inflict pain upon one another only to lick each other's wounds thereafter. 

The Honorable Wolf

Initially wolves were meant to be wolves, and conformity and convenience transformed them into a more docile, therefore domestic, version of its former self. Enter: the dog. It was not that we domesticated the wolf, as the wolf assimilated us. See, it was the wolf who incurred the major shift and mutation, all you have to do is take a dog and compare it to the modern wolf, a slightly more watered-down replica of the ancestor from which all the dog species evolved. It was just as opportunistic of the wolf evolving to adapt, mimic and bond with the most lethal and successful predator in nature unlike no other specie. Dogs no longer roam and hunt, fight one another in order to strive; humans' perks included shelter, food and protection. That's a small price to pay for their loyalty and hunting skills which humans used to catch big prey, and for protection, like the German Shepherd. The modern dog may have shed the most vicious and predatory savage nature but kept some of that ferocity for the good fight. Modern dogs closest to the actual wolf are feistier, far more aggressive, up for hunting and protection. In this sense, the modern dog is an honorable wolf. 

Human descendants of the past three generations, sometimes stemming from the seventies, have also taken an evolutionary quantum leap. They're in their twenties, some are college and high school graduates or their equivalent drop-outs, but they've managed to hold a job, many work full-time, give little home and spend lavishly on their lifestyle: snapshots on Instagram, fancy rides, clothes, and hanging out four nights a week. They were supposed to stay until graduating from college and then find a career and move out; others were supposed to find a place with a loved one and split rent in half, but why bother split your earnings in half with your other half if you can split yourself in all fours by staying at home with your parents or mom. This way, there's no need to forge an actual relationship, live in a perennial love affair of an everlasting era where adolescence, young adulthood and maturity all merge into one. It is the spiritual age of the slackers.
You'll think they're to blame solely for their lack of ambition. But they have evolved and known that the best years, as told by their own parents and all adults around, happen between the last years young adulthood and mid thirties, as if so much medicine and diet and exercise had added to the human age cycle another decade, where parents get to play washed-up austere roles. But by condoning these actions, parents are partners in crime; by not demanding more of their children, they're left with whatever is up to them. If you don't feel the right pressure, each day in and out, then you'll grow complacent, indifferent, settle for less than what is within reach, there to grasp. If it's the minimum effort you place on any endeavour, you will almost always get the same half-ass results. On the contrary, if you work out four times or more a week, it shows. If you save the most you can, not the least you should, your money will grow faster. You're more the minute your choices demand more of you. And so, if you can't find a place of your own, don't give the least you can. Always invest in your family, as you do with your friends; it's the key to a successful partnership, an ideal relationship; and it all emanates from an inner well. It's all related and it bottles down to how you relate to yourself. How much of yourself are you willing to sacrifice? How much are you're willing to conquer? How much are you able to give.
You can give in many ways, not just monetarily. You can give by helping others, and you can render your services and fulfill your duty by contributing in every way you can. You'll see it makes sense, and you will never go without; and you will never be missing.
Give more of yourself. Strategically, that is. Don't overwhelm yourself, dull your good intentions by dumping unwarranted gifts, unnecessary luxuries but bring around whatever is needed, whatever you use that has been provided for you. Don't let poverty walk into your home. Show your manliness by being the provider, as well as you play the role of protector. Pull your own weight. Devise a plan in which daily you give back. You can contribute by simply washing the dishes, taking the garbage out, buying some groceries, etc. Be like the dog, offer up your services if you want food and shelter in exchange.
You will either change, evolve adapt, or you'll perish. And by perish, I mean you will no longer have a support system at your feet to carry you along and you will have to fend for yourself. No, I'm throwing you out. You will know long before that ever happens, that it is only you who can throw yourself out. Sure, you'll have the same liberties, if not more; after all, you should be entitled to more if you're, in fact, giving more. You can still go out and come home late, no one demand an explanation. You'll get to bring your girlfriend here, and a friend on occasion, as you have always. You'll get a plate of food and some other goodies, like soap and toilet paper, items that unless we demand of you, you seem to think that these grow in trees.
Thus, you'll be helping your household, misery will never strike a home where everyone in it has staked themselves out to sustain. You'll see how prosperity reigns, how moods are eased, how smoothly things transition.
Masculinity is not about fronting. It's not about wearing expensive clothes and projecting a life that signals waste and fanfare, as if the truly evolved being had any material needs. We may have wants, but these aren't needs; and everything is dispensable and everyone is expendable. Be of use, not just another brat who leeches off their parental tit, grow a pair of diligent hands, a pair of arms open to embrace and flexed to action. Laziness rarely pays off; rent is due. Get off your high horse and start paying your dues. You'll still be able to wear Diesel, smell Dior, and not have to wash your own clothes, cook your own meals or clean around the house.
You can still get a hit off, first drink's on me.

The Lord of Misrule

"Only the dead have seen the end of war" -George Santayana. 

We inherited warrior genes and a monster culture, nurture & nature, from a mix of adventurers, slaves, thieves, dreamers, pirates, barbarians, nomads, poets, illiterate, stoic and dormant men, women, mothers, brothers, sisters, fathers, rum. You ought to think that the mightiest and most ruthless race would overcome the other tribes, pacifists were long taken out and every time a nation raised up in arms against its neighbor, we've only known war.  We have a lust for the Roman Empire and willingly indulge despite the horrors religion has induced in us all, picking up the tab in the afterlife is a small price to pay. 

We may live in a society that prides itself free. Take homosexuality, for instance. In Ancient Rome, it wasn't even an issue: it was an openly bisexual state. Roman men were allowed to have sex with the same sex without tarnishing their manly reputation. With the introduction of Christianity in the Roman Empire, towards the beginning of its power decline, Emperor Constantine proclaimed himself a Christian and things were never meant to be the same. Christianity took hold, it spread like wild fire and soon it was easier to be identified as a Christian than anything else in Rome. Christianity did away with most pagan festivities but could not undo the celebration of the solstice, called the Saturnalia. a predecessor to Christmas. A whole different festival breed, lasting longer and involving not just gifting and helping the poor, but also food, drinks of partying on-end that culminated in the sacrifice of one of its most colorful characters: a person chosen among the many willing, always a man allowed the unthinkable, sleep with whomever he wanted, drink from the best wines, stay at the best houses in town, to do for the duration of the festival whatever he wanted. It was known as The Lord of Misrule.
The downside to having his every wish and desire fulfilled was that he'd pay the ultimate price at the end of the festivities with his own life. But it seemed like a good trade-off; who gets to do as they please for a day in life, now for a week? Of course, we have a lot to live for, but back in the days life was far more harsh and part of the fun was, I think, popularity and defiance in the face of death. Life is a celebration and the winter solstice in Ancient Rome was celebrated well beyond the years of the early Christian church when Emperor Constantine made it the official religion of the empire.

Christianity had been a religion of slaves. It had gained track within the empire, initially only being persecuted and exhibited as disposable souls, early Christians endured the sacrifice and faith of their beliefs. Romans were shocked by how willingly Christians let themselves be slaughtered at the coliseum by refusing to fight back gladiators or lions. They saw it as bravery; it was far less honorable. It was sheer martyrdom. Christians believed in the afterlife and so assumed sacrifice as the only true way to obtain their god's favor. A crude, lethal blow, an immense moment's suffering, and awaiting you was eternal bliss in Paradise. No Christian nowadays seems as inclined to self-sacrificial as those early Christians, but when you adopt a ballsy new theology that makes the last moment the most magnanimous and significant, life is not worth it, all that matters is how much are you willing to sacrifice now, in order to be saved later. It has a high existential tag, we have too much to live for nowadays to adhere to such doctrinal nonsense; back then, existence was harsher, and in that case, well you got free labor. It's really a neat trick.
Now, I'm not a serial atheist; I'm not going to debate or try to change anyone's mind. That'd be as futile as trying to change mine. Though I am open to change, this will come in time, with patience, by its own cord and rhythm, not because it's the norm, or someone else's plan. You may listen to someone else's way of seeing things, but you'll use your eyes to see them. The idea that life covers meaning by what awaits us in the afterlife can only sound plausible to brutes and troglodytes. It makes people less concerned with what this life is all about; worry about the other thing when the time comes. It fails to address the fundamental essence of life, this very moment. That this life is all there is, and that that should be enough... is all the more aspiring and awe-stricken truth. What matters most than this very moment, the accumulation of these fleeting instances that pile up and shape the person, the way we were, the way we are, and the way we're becoming. We are never in a fixed state of mind, our body and soul are mutable entities, nothing is as it just was, everything shifts and morphs into a brand-new being, it's a never-ending process until its inevitable plausibility. We either evolve or perish.

Pacifist societies exist among us, more predominantly so in the past. But then voracious and militarized nations raised themselves in arms against their neighbors, only the strong eventually survived. We inherited some of those genes, migrations, the social immersion, another land, a different language. These constitute milestones as to the road we've paved and the paths awaiting us farther ahead. For every Gandhi, we get hundreds of thousands slaughtering their neighbors, famine, disease, genocide, atrocities all over the globe. We're headed in the right direction, and this is actually one of the most peaceful moments humanity has experienced in its existence. You gotta think, there's more of us than ever before and yet things are looking up. No longer nations raise against nations, with the exception of a few trouble-makers, war is something that nations avoid at all costs. We're on the right course in some fronts, need improvements on others, and haven't yet started many unforeseen adventures. We're here to stay, we'll thrive, things are good and life is just the most amazing thing there is.
You'll get to play The Lord of Misrule and actually live to tell.