A good friend of mine, I know since high school, is Michael.
Michael is the typical shy character who refuses to alter his behavior in any way and sees as suspect any attempt to improve. According to him, personality is something that cannot be modified, and this belief is deeply rooted in him: you either have it or you don’t. And he sees nothing wrong with the way he does things, that is, not looking them in the eyes, slightly lowering his head or standing in a corner seeing the action unraveling around, buying them drinks without them having to prove themselves. Typical guy some girls use to take advantage and other insecure girls wish to land. The problem is, all of it is hypocritical.
Why, if he wants to play it safe, does he go out in the first place? Why does he buy himself the best pair of jeans or very expensive clothes, watches, colognes? Why, if not out of vanity, does he want only the best and is willing to pay whatever it takes as long as it requires just money and not behavior? Wearing Armani and behaving K-mart makes no sense to me, I tell him. The guy is not just well-dressed, but he also happens to be in decent shape, has a car, is not a complete moron and has so much more to offer than he does. So why is it that another guy with less comes and does more? Why doesn’t he just quit if he is bent on behaving the way he does? If he truly wants to play the humble type, why does he wear two-hundred dollar pants? Why does he own a watch that costs more than a week of his salary? Why doesn’t he think twice about spending eighty dollars on a shirt? It seems to me that as long as he doesn’t have to put the money (or time) in to improve his act, he is willing to pay his way there. (He's the typical guy who laughs if a girl turns you down because, well, it reinforces his pathetic view.)
Now, I won’t advocate for buying cheap clothes. But too expensive a taste can also backfire. You may pick (well, actually, she’ll pick you up) a gold-digger. That is why Michael often says that if a girl likes you, she’ll show interest, walk up to you somehow and then you just ask her to dance or if you can buy her a drink. That is why every single girl he goes with sees him as a spender, and they make sure he pays dearly for them. That is why he doesn’t feel secure enough to walk up to a girl, forget his ego (the one that makes him compensate with expensive clothing) and take a risk. He’s, in many ways, very much afraid of it. And fear, as I’ve said many times earlier, only happens when you don’t know what to do.
Like I always say, you got to play the part. If you already have something going for yourself, show it off a bit. Don’t be obnoxious, of course. Too much arrogance often is a way of hiding an insecurity of some kind. The idea is not to be too arrogant because in a way a little bit of humility shows that you’re used to it. But on the other hand, you must act and walk tall, be proud and comfortable in your own skin.
Otherwise you’re just a walking mannequin, and there’re just so many of those. Besides, when girls see you all dressed-up and no attitude to back it up, they think you're trying to compensate somehow, they know you're willing to pay for attention and willingly they may decide to play you for a fool.
See, it's not so much that girls are superficial, it is that the behavior of many males simply demands of them to be just so. And men everywhere end up paying dearly for it.
