"Anyone who knows anything of history knows that great social changes are impossible without feminine upheaval. Social progress can be measured exactly by the social position of the fair sex, the ugly ones included" -Karl Marx.
If it weren't for women in my life, I would've never become the man I am today. I owe them my life, literally; way more than I owe my gender. My father walked out of my life when I was five years old.
One day, when I was fifteen years old, my Italian descendant Spanish class teacher challenged me to write a story she could be interested in: I had written a very good story, but it wasn't good enough for her, in fact she didn't even mention it in class among my peers. So I became a writer and I did, in the end, write a story far better than any other she had ever read in all her extensive career, one that entitled me to two consecutive A.P. classes with scores of five over five in state examinations. Finally, I had found far more precious than anything else before, a calling, my literary muse, something I was really good at and could devote my life to.
If it hadn't been for women, I would've never been interested in this whole male evolution I underwent. But that's as far as the story goes. I'm a self-made macho, and at one point in my evolution I found that it really wasn't about them when it came to the issue of women. It really was, as I may have pointedly suggested before, about myself, my goals; what I had to show the world, my mission in life. Women do not want a man in pursuit of attractive trails; that is the feminine realm, not ours.
You don't want to just attract women, you want to take on the world, kill the invading alien race, save the day perpetually, get dirty in the mud in a classy way and emerge a thousandfold the man you once thought it'd suffice. You want to edify monuments that bear your immaculate likeness, leave a legacy of vitality in every step taken so as to know that the one who follows in your footstep aims to be atop the shoulder of a giant and not before being adumbrated by your fecund and enlightening shadow. You want to be a conquistador of interstellar space on your days off. Women will come along for the ride. In Scarface, Al Pacino's character Tony Montana famously quoted: "First you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the woman."
I'd be damned if I'm perceived by my friends and family, especially women in my life, as a deceptive man who has the latest trickery up his treacherous sleeve... or a man devoted to anything other than his own pursuit of a higher state of being. I may very well hold the answer you seek but way before we got to this point, following a painstaking thoroughfare, in a continuum cascade of former selves, let us go back to timeless basics. From the classic Greek philosophy, we harnessed the posit that it is not so much the answer we're after, as is the question you ask before it in life. In laymen's terms, asking the right question will get you on to the righteous quest and that in there really isn't a particular answer. The question, however, is what matters. So, how do we ask the right question? Well, that takes, more than aim, practice; you gotta fall in order to get up, that's how we master walking, one tiny baby step at a time. But let's zoom in, assuming you've already mustered the guts and sought out a myriad of rhetorical quests, and ended up one day on this page. Let's say you already have an idea about women, that you're somewhat good; in reality, no one can boast to being "good" with them. But let's assume that's the case. That you read pick-up material in the past, even saw videos on body language, took Toast Masters, read books and still find yourself coming up short. This is the problem, we may never have all the answers, especially if we aren't asking the right questions. See, it's not about what women want; what they want will change the very next moment. And once they get it, ironically, they may never want it again. In other words, if your focus is on being the man women want, you'll never get very far. It's kind of a conundrum, really; but once you get that it really has to revolve more around your world and views as a man, not just when it concerns women (of course, women are imperative in this equation), but also friends, family, goals, ambitions in life, that's a whole different ball game. The focus is on you: it's not a question of "picking her up", it's more a question of picking yourself up.
Ever go to those self-entitled P.U.A.'s pages and have them get your email in exchange for the promised landmine insight into the female psyche? This is where I part ways with that whole gamma of self-proclaimed entrepreneurs of masculinity: that their stuff works, yes. It's a really good start. But in reality, they're in for their own selfish reasons whether they are based on ego, money, or ill-fated glory. Whatever the case may be, it seems that they got it wrong in the sense that it is not about attracting women. Their whole business is nothing but promoting what they actually are supposed to be against. They feed off the neediness of weaker men, portraying themselves as saviors in that they somehow got the holy grail to the conundrum of women. They don't. What they have, at best, is approximations; they may hold something that resembles truth but in all honesty there isn't such a thing. The Holy Grail itself is nothing but a strikingly gorgeous mockery of Arthurian literature, nothing holy or miraculous about it. A pretty face may elicit in many men the noblest feelings, but it only rings truest in the eyes of the beholder. We know this before the start, that there is no absolute truth, that permanence is an illusion, that whatever we know for certain has been, is and will be an ever going process of trial and error, epistemology 101: it's how we know that we know what we know.
Ever go to those self-entitled P.U.A.'s pages and have them get your email in exchange for the promised landmine insight into the female psyche? This is where I part ways with that whole gamma of self-proclaimed entrepreneurs of masculinity: that their stuff works, yes. It's a really good start. But in reality, they're in for their own selfish reasons whether they are based on ego, money, or ill-fated glory. Whatever the case may be, it seems that they got it wrong in the sense that it is not about attracting women. Their whole business is nothing but promoting what they actually are supposed to be against. They feed off the neediness of weaker men, portraying themselves as saviors in that they somehow got the holy grail to the conundrum of women. They don't. What they have, at best, is approximations; they may hold something that resembles truth but in all honesty there isn't such a thing. The Holy Grail itself is nothing but a strikingly gorgeous mockery of Arthurian literature, nothing holy or miraculous about it. A pretty face may elicit in many men the noblest feelings, but it only rings truest in the eyes of the beholder. We know this before the start, that there is no absolute truth, that permanence is an illusion, that whatever we know for certain has been, is and will be an ever going process of trial and error, epistemology 101: it's how we know that we know what we know.
The problem here is that, in knowing anything about history, as Karl Marx observantly postulated, the success of a society has to do with the empowerment of the fair sex. As a society, this experiment has brought us vast goods and some bad, too. Bad is good, as I'll explore in my next installment.: we talk of the evils of nicotine addiction and it is oh so devilishly bad... but, for one, nicotine addicts show less incidences of Alzheimer's and Parkinson's, dementia; it eases the depressive mind, diseases of the nervous system in general. Sure, the bad outweighs the good, but the matter of the fact is, there is a reason why we are so addicted to nicotine, the brain knows, feels, senses and urges, it is how I get my creative juices flowing. If it weren't for the devastating blow to the lungs, the gums, the overall spectrum of health as nicotine even impacts vision, causes erectile dysfunction, you name... we would all be smokers. Interestingly enough, something as corrosive and toxic as cigarettes are, the money revenue, the families its business provide for, the film industry, all the economic infrastructure it entails make sure that cigarettes are here to stay. Look, you can't quantify pain, but the reality is that the large majority of smokers won't die from it. They may lead less than ideal lives, but all things considered, the key is in moderation; the problem may have a lot more to do with addiction. Of course, you can get cancer from smoking even if you're the casual smoker, but the truth is, the more you do it, the greater your chances. Why am I ranting about cigarette addiction? Why, if not because it serves as a rough analogy, a metaphorical proxy per se, to the question at hand. What we suffer is an addiction to women, desperate men will do anything to find a palliative to their suffering, a quick fix to an intricate, complex riddle.
That's where the self-proclaimed dating gurus come in with their magical potions, telegraphing cockiness in ridiculous body postures, mind games that, sad to admit, do their bidding, prove their mettle, like an aspirin may temporarily alleviate a chronic headache. In essence, these things work because, just as it is the case with men, women have their insecurities. In a more advanced age, when we're all spiritually evolved, it'd pay to be the kindred humanoid who selflessly thinks of others, who knows? Maybe in a hundred years from now, we'll need teachers to show men how to be the wusses women love; I doubt it. But the fact is (quote Tony Montana: "I always tell the truth, even when I'm lying"), we don't want to attract women; we want to become attractive, yes, adopt skills and dogmas that serve this selfish goal. But we want to attract the right women into our lives. If we continue down this path of mind games and deception, as postulated in many ways by Robert Greene in his famous "Art of Seduction" (which you should read, if you haven't; and read again, if you already have), we will attract devious people. More than that, we'll never really come to grips with the higher being fundamentals: as men, our evolution is never complete, don't let the mirage of the opposite sex derail your edge, be the stone cutter that tears down the walls separating you from your highest aim. It shouldn't revolve around women; women are the cherry on top of the cake. You can have it both and eat just a bite out of it at a seating, all things moderately, with aplomb, tact, and in a timely fashion. Instead of trying to meet every woman that crosses your path, mingle with them, see them for the fascinating people they really are, don't be that weird guy who thinks with his boner. In life, you'll need balls, yes; bring them along for the ride, but don't dangle them in front of everyone. That is not sportsmanship. That's a deplorable act. You should first and foremost deal with your own lack and then plenty abundance will come your way.
Be a gentleman is my advice. Respect women. They're not just our potential lovers but also our sisters, cousins, aunts and friends; I guess the whole mating game goes awry when we see first the lover, and toss the person, weed it out. We spend most of our time -or should anyway -getting ready to be our best self, staying fit, evolving, tackling challenges head-on, in other words... getting ready for a good match. Some of us don't sit around for the right person to come around, we simply invest into ourselves, develop our skills, not all is games and fun -though these should never be out of the equation. Women is what we deal with all throughout our lives. It's not how you treat the gorgeous, it's how you handle her energy without sucking it all in at once; take your time with higher prey, don't go there thinking that you can play the friendly-face card and expect to have a foot in the door. Women have plenty of friends in their lives, upwards of 90 percent would jump her bones if she had the inclination to. Luckily, quantity is not what she's after; she wants quality. You want to stand out in the eyes of your woman. You don't have to be the fittest; be your fittest. You don't need this book; you can burn these words if only you'd remember that this isn't a game you play from memory, it's not a matter of the heart, and it's not egotistical pride, or ego. It's a game you play like you ride a bike; not mechanically, when you know something, you do it without knowing it's being done. You no longer try to adopt a particular routine, work out a potential scenario. You're not thinking strategy. You're thinking less and less, you're sensing things differently, definitely not from the same place of the brain logistical and strategic thinking stem. Suddenly the tunnel vision you experience whenever a beautiful girl crossed your path can be replaced by the pulse and rhythm of that moment, how she connects with all the other beauty, she's not center-stage, she's just part of it all.
The anxiety you feel around women has to do with discomfort as to just how backwards and inhibited your upbringing was, how you act as if you were "performing"; relaxation, in all your omnipotence and glory: it isn't something we just try; as second-nature, it's something instilled, innate... going back to a place we long forgot, make communion in the house that wasn't built yet. Before we absorbed the objectification of women through culture and less-than-ideal role models, there was a place in the elsewhere's of thought that heroes go always unsung and there are no memories... before they taught us how to deal with things in life, as innate as fight-or-flight response. Oh yeah, stop it with your sexual innuendos, don't buy their attention, be kind to those who treat you with respect and be indifferent to those who resist your charm: you do not need to become ugly just because someone is. Stop making women feel uncomfortable.
Do you really come to think that women out there are really there to perpetuate a twisted fantasy of yours? Some may want to volunteer, but you must woo them. There's the "there's no trying" element, you have to throw that into the equation. It works effortlessly. You're basically not reacting to anything in particular, not showing excitement, just centered and in control. You can fake it till you make it; relaxation is something you exude, not just for show. There's no trying, no pretense, no bragging about here. There are no intense gestures, no hard faces, no friendly ones either: you just take care of your core-self. People often assume their self-worth through the actions of others; while we shouldn't go around the world making enemies, we shouldn't just be friends with everyone. We need space, to built, and hardcore selves usually stick to their own evolution. This way, whatever little percentage we have left for fun and games, we usually spend it with hyped-up, alter egos, who enjoy every second of their lives, give joyous vibes, resonate and reverberate in our minds for the ages. We can't rely on memory, so we take pics, chronicle the events that strike up in importance, using digital media soon we'll have our digital footprint. Let's rewrite some of that in sweat through exercise, in follow-through acts, living the promise. Sometimes throughout the day, let's retrieve to our common ground, rejoice in those moments of leisure where our nature comes alive; what we choose to do with our free time paints a vivid picture of our character and place in destiny. If not on the move, then contemplative, no time for TV, just fun with my sons, enjoy them and write some more. Try to instill in your mind the idea that the mind you use to read, the one you reason with, and your imagination, the one you populate with fantasies, intertwine and correlate the narrative. I may be telling you little if I praise action; I may be telling you a lot if I praise inaction. Instead, a shift or change is always welcome in life. You work too hard? Play a little more. You rarely work, well then you have more problems to worry about. Begin with little, make progress in each possible way every waking moment of the day, build, give, forgive, keep quiet, repeat.
Some of us take pride in working out, meditating, not spend much time at bars, nightclubs. I don't date, and if I want to talk to a stranger, I don't have to get all worked-up about it. There's no sexual agenda, just the wondrous act of connecting with someone; whether you realize it or not, you go around establishing connections with others, communicating in subtle and sometimes not so subtle ways your intentions, your level of privacy, the kind of crowd you hang around with. You see people better at a coffee shop, in a mall, at a bookstore, in a lounge. I stopped dating people I met in nightclubs, I had to date sunlight creatures, beings that inhabited the daylight who rarely stayed up late, wake up to see the sunset, meditate, have a list of to-do list. There was a period in the mid 90's when I knew people for over two, some even three years without ever doing anything during daytime. Some of those bonds still linger around thanks to the magic of Facebook which connects us all; it's not that bad a deal, we freely volunteer info about ourselves, things we like, places we check-in, and we get to have contact with someone, a window into their lives,
I don't get these places; I like them because they represent an old way of doing things. If people were less shy, there wouldn't be any reason for bars: get young people hammered and have them mingle. What could possibly go wrong? "Can I buy you a drink?"
To which a girl once replied sarcastically, "I don't know, can you?"
To which the boy replied: "Sure, can. Bartender!"
Shaking my head, I told the girl, in a matter-of-fact tone, "You should get some peanuts with that" and in all seriousness, only she can hear it,
They are a force to be reckon with. Be kind. Be patient. It's not a sport, it wouldn't make sense if it were. They're wild and untamed, they represent life's emblematic mystery. They're such fascinating souls and the only thing getting in your way is having a sexual agenda before hand. Have the balls to keep the beast at bay, in time you'll find that just as bad as not having any balls is being all nuts about it. You tried the indifferent type; you tried the annoying, needy type; try aplomb, neutralize her untamed poles, pull her with your gravity. She will feel your pull if your lack of emotions really is about
The anxiety you feel around women has to do with discomfort as to just how backwards and inhibited your upbringing was, how you act as if you were "performing"; relaxation, in all your omnipotence and glory: it isn't something we just try; as second-nature, it's something instilled, innate... going back to a place we long forgot, make communion in the house that wasn't built yet. Before we absorbed the objectification of women through culture and less-than-ideal role models, there was a place in the elsewhere's of thought that heroes go always unsung and there are no memories... before they taught us how to deal with things in life, as innate as fight-or-flight response. Oh yeah, stop it with your sexual innuendos, don't buy their attention, be kind to those who treat you with respect and be indifferent to those who resist your charm: you do not need to become ugly just because someone is. Stop making women feel uncomfortable.
Do you really come to think that women out there are really there to perpetuate a twisted fantasy of yours? Some may want to volunteer, but you must woo them. There's the "there's no trying" element, you have to throw that into the equation. It works effortlessly. You're basically not reacting to anything in particular, not showing excitement, just centered and in control. You can fake it till you make it; relaxation is something you exude, not just for show. There's no trying, no pretense, no bragging about here. There are no intense gestures, no hard faces, no friendly ones either: you just take care of your core-self. People often assume their self-worth through the actions of others; while we shouldn't go around the world making enemies, we shouldn't just be friends with everyone. We need space, to built, and hardcore selves usually stick to their own evolution. This way, whatever little percentage we have left for fun and games, we usually spend it with hyped-up, alter egos, who enjoy every second of their lives, give joyous vibes, resonate and reverberate in our minds for the ages. We can't rely on memory, so we take pics, chronicle the events that strike up in importance, using digital media soon we'll have our digital footprint. Let's rewrite some of that in sweat through exercise, in follow-through acts, living the promise. Sometimes throughout the day, let's retrieve to our common ground, rejoice in those moments of leisure where our nature comes alive; what we choose to do with our free time paints a vivid picture of our character and place in destiny. If not on the move, then contemplative, no time for TV, just fun with my sons, enjoy them and write some more. Try to instill in your mind the idea that the mind you use to read, the one you reason with, and your imagination, the one you populate with fantasies, intertwine and correlate the narrative. I may be telling you little if I praise action; I may be telling you a lot if I praise inaction. Instead, a shift or change is always welcome in life. You work too hard? Play a little more. You rarely work, well then you have more problems to worry about. Begin with little, make progress in each possible way every waking moment of the day, build, give, forgive, keep quiet, repeat.
Some of us take pride in working out, meditating, not spend much time at bars, nightclubs. I don't date, and if I want to talk to a stranger, I don't have to get all worked-up about it. There's no sexual agenda, just the wondrous act of connecting with someone; whether you realize it or not, you go around establishing connections with others, communicating in subtle and sometimes not so subtle ways your intentions, your level of privacy, the kind of crowd you hang around with. You see people better at a coffee shop, in a mall, at a bookstore, in a lounge. I stopped dating people I met in nightclubs, I had to date sunlight creatures, beings that inhabited the daylight who rarely stayed up late, wake up to see the sunset, meditate, have a list of to-do list. There was a period in the mid 90's when I knew people for over two, some even three years without ever doing anything during daytime. Some of those bonds still linger around thanks to the magic of Facebook which connects us all; it's not that bad a deal, we freely volunteer info about ourselves, things we like, places we check-in, and we get to have contact with someone, a window into their lives,
I don't get these places; I like them because they represent an old way of doing things. If people were less shy, there wouldn't be any reason for bars: get young people hammered and have them mingle. What could possibly go wrong? "Can I buy you a drink?"
To which a girl once replied sarcastically, "I don't know, can you?"
To which the boy replied: "Sure, can. Bartender!"
Shaking my head, I told the girl, in a matter-of-fact tone, "You should get some peanuts with that" and in all seriousness, only she can hear it,
They are a force to be reckon with. Be kind. Be patient. It's not a sport, it wouldn't make sense if it were. They're wild and untamed, they represent life's emblematic mystery. They're such fascinating souls and the only thing getting in your way is having a sexual agenda before hand. Have the balls to keep the beast at bay, in time you'll find that just as bad as not having any balls is being all nuts about it. You tried the indifferent type; you tried the annoying, needy type; try aplomb, neutralize her untamed poles, pull her with your gravity. She will feel your pull if your lack of emotions really is about
Put your neediness aside, embrace the enigma with the penetrating force of love. Your lover, first penetrate her eyes. There's no such a thing as poor eye contact and success in any aspect of life. It is imperative that you know where you stand by how you stand.
Make her say it, she wants it. Ask her again. Make her earn your attention. Don't simply jump up around a word she says; if it's a praise or a complaint, it's all handled with aplomb. People's words shouldn't be taken into much consideration, especially those said when angered; what counts is people's actions.
