A Battle of Egos

You take what's yours; it isn't given. It's not won by indifference, though there were notable absences. Moments of doubt, resentment, a battle of egos. An exaggeration of feelings that leads to raw emotions, sparking unintended consequences. It is best to exert self-restraint in chaotic moments; sail back to calmer waters. It's not reason the voice we come back to answer; anger can be very logical and persuasive as well. Except, given your altered state of mind, the tonality, the verbal onslaught that serve as telltale signs of your heightened mood. Such unnerved inner motions can derail us from our aim; lack of courage, cowardice, can be a prison all in its own and it is up to us to break free and run. It's okay to be afraid if it's done so actively, lively. Fear will protect you in some instances, a brush of madness can go a long way, but that's that. You, too, need to let go and embrace the unknown, open yourself up to new situations, conspire to be happy. 

We often recreate our worst nightmares, by worrying, for instance, it is as if we were rehearsing those very wary scenarios in our mind; sometimes, what we fear comes to be, especially if all we do about something is worry of it. Worry has its uses; it's like an alarm going off, you snooze it and if you're not up in predetermined amount of time, it'd go off again, and again, until you wake up. Worry is a wake-up call to action, and the only way we can deal with preoccupation is by occupying ourselves; action defeats all worrisome states of mind. It is through action that ideals manifest, dreams lose their ethereal veil and gain traction in reality, edified moments that were not more than mere specters of our most inner cravings and wants. We are vain creatures, it's what made us more adaptable, our appreciation for mundane items, earthly shiny minerals and primal appetite, our curiosity only served our narcissistic endeavour. Take a look around: all the Buddhist modest temples built, all the vanity that lies in every selfless act, all the despotic themes entailed in kindness, compassion and that most mystifying elusive creature called "love". Altruism is nothing more than sophisticated selfishness. 

And so, a duel between madness and reason ensues, we're nothing short of divided within. Powerful forces fuel our predisposed and deterministic mental processes, paradox after paradox are embedded; our minds, it seems at times, aren't ours. Our ego whispers like the proverbial shoulder devil, enticing us, tempting us, to go all up in arms. We want to retreat, to give peace a chance, but all that hippie shit won't suffice. We inherited warrior-like DNA, history has been nothing more than a succession of tyrannies, victor takes all. 

It's no different in the arena of lust which is a heightened state of love. We're not in control then; it's okay to lose control, let go, give in. In love, we surrender; in love, we wage warfare against egotistical demons, shadow upon coercive shadow... in laying our weapons, surrendering our will, we succumb unto one another until we no longer are an entity, but tentacles of a singular being, intertwined souls, meshed and bounded. 

It takes courage to give in. You can't let go, unless it is done completely, with abandonment. You can't forgive if you can't forget. You can't forget and, by default, somewhat start the healing. It is silly the reason why we fight: We inflict pain upon one another only to lick each other's wounds thereafter.