The Friend Zone

Of course, you want to get physical, but this need for proximity should not overrule our better nature. So long as you extract from the equation the neediness that such "friend zone" implies. Remember: you want her. You don't need her.

Of course, you'll want to get close but do so with confidence and not to get to some sort of "physical level". Women can sense your lack of self-control, and you give away your cards when you make it about the endgame as opposed to enjoy the glorious journey along the way, regardless of the destination. It is not that you should forget about how much you want her, but never letting this be translated into you needing her. You shouldn't be pushing for taking things "somewhere." Sorry, guys, but that's girl talk. It is never a good dynamic to be more interested in a girl than she is in you. It isn't about her finding out what a great guy you are, either. It really is about how she feels and how she feels is invariably linked to how your energy handles her. You should be comfortable in tense situations. You shouldn't be giving more than you get, either. Don't spend too much time, money or mind on any girl that doesn't want you is my advice. Some time, yes; it is good to be in the presence of precious and more than acting tough and/or cool, feeling tough because you work out and cool because you are: you have an amazing hobby, you party with friends, family and strangers, maybe you even like your job because of the people you come across. I interact daily with dozens of people, I read them, I am polite, I give space, I don't pursue many things all at once even when it comes to women. Like snakes, I feed every so often but I like plenty on my plate, literally more than I can chew.

Of course, we can be friends and still have some of that tension that can make her at times desired, at others cold, never a grudge and always a serious smile. As mothers, they're our friends; as sisters', they're our friends, and as daughters and cousins (especially cousins), they're our blood... it is how we relate to women in our lives that sort of sets the mood and build the foundation of our future relationships. We can clearly see how our parent's way of loving, by showering each other with affection and rushing into serious and monotonous relationships, it didn't end well. We may preach exclusivity, but smile at every turn and feel good when everyone wants us. I'm not saying I am wanted, it happens once in a blue moon I just don't strike any luck, but I never make it about the outcome. And, in the emotional realm, patience, human contact and not just through technology, should also prove beneficial. We put way too much emphasis on this unpredictable force we call "love" which can uplift us and then see us fall, and we love the roller-coaster, so love does require to have the stomach and the hunger for. You need to keep updating yourself, and not just sit around talking on the phone, spend time at the gym, meditate, write more blogs on the matter, have tons of beautiful girls as friends. And if the girl feels like using you, and you feel like submitting to her will, well then go nuts. Whatever it is that makes you happy, don't make it about girls; they can be unpredictable but remember she's only testing your ability to remain in control and be fun even when you lose it.

But if you guys have things in common, like going out, having drinks, watching movies, etc., it is okay to have girls as friends, so long as you're not having all of this weird feelings about it. Your lack of anxiety, the relaxed essence of your being, that sense of having things under control and no fear in sight is what gets them. They sense your energy, so work on lessening the control they exert over you. You can't help but to want them, and feel that burst of energy like a thunder that is subtly communicated, not openly. You get close, because you feel close, and you do so without a stupid second or third "base" silly notion. Don't weird her out, and you'll do fine. Relax, she doesn't bite. (Some do, so don't just offer yourself as bait.)

And even dating gurus like Niel Strauss who condemn such "friend zone" often miss the opportunity to master their own drives by making about more than just your needs; of course, you're not to repress them either, and you're not going to spend a fortune if you guys go out. Being seen with beautiful women is always a good thing and you having beautiful friends from the opposite sex says a lot about you. So long as the guy doesn't invest himself emotionally, everything is game. This is an opportunity to get behind enemy lines, some women aren't ready for a commitment and many guys open up too easily and way too fast. It's never a good thing to show your cards. For crying-out-loud, if you can't help but have "feelings" when it comes to her, ask yourself: How girly are you? Yeah, sure, you enjoy her company, you spend time together more than you do with guy friends. You make friends out of them, as I've said long ago before in this very blog, and you'll give up guys for good. 

It must be frustrating for women to be approached daily, have guys throw themselves at their feet as they walk by, turn iron men into deplorable wussies. Beauty is a mirage: from afar, it looks enticingly promising, but once you take a closer look you see that it was your own illusion painting the picture in front of your eyes (which, to be quite honest, is the case in everything you see, as they call it "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder). Their self-image does not reveal that version of herself you make it out to be. In other words, women suffer from insecurity issues when it comes to their looks, especially because they grow up being told that they're beautiful. They are aware of their flaws as much as their qualities; and they choose to focus on their defects more than their assets even though they never let it out to be. Us men, on the contrary, enhance whatever it is we see, if it's a pretty face or a nice body, that's what we focus on. As men are visual creatures; we should always go for what we like, device all sorts of social networks, and never limit our happiness to a single person or event in our life. Have multiple partners, so long as you're single, no need for jealousy, no need for possessiveness. 

The fact is, things will happen but not in an oral way. Emotions, as opposed to feelings, is who we men are. That is our domain. After all, we process enough sperm a day to fertilize half the European continent. We work out and this pumps our testosterone levels, it makes us more ferocious and yet we should behave like cultivated beasts. The monster that lurks inside shouldn't be tamed by displays of niceness, instead tease her, see her as she sees herself with flaws and perfections, she'll love you for it. Make her feel comfortable, instead of giving her the creepy feelings that you have a hidden romantic agenda. Treat her as you would one of your boys: you don't flirt, you are not taken by her outstanding looks, a lion doesn't show his face and never announces an entrance. Be nice, though. Don't be a jerk, just play one. So long as it is not about impressing her, she'll feel relaxed and you can drop the player act. Just act around her as if she were your sister. Don't talk about sex. If you're not a good talker, learn to be a listener. Oh, and stop fantasizing about her naked when she's dressed in front of you. It is this instinct that you must learn to exert control over. 

Women are repelled by needy men, nothing sends them running more than a guy who doesn't stand his ground, calls her everyday, acts all nervously around them. I am never more at ease than at the presence of a gorgeous girl. I don't gasp, my world doesn't come to a standstill, my pulse never rises. I am as cold as an iceberg, and yet I open and enrapture you on a whim's notice. 

The point is, there's no such a thing as a friend zone. You can extract yourself from there if you don't go about making all about your needs. If she's not into you, don't be into her, and don't go around having too many girl friends either. They will want you to make a move, just make sure it is a physical move, not a verbal one. Don't try to put things into words. That's girl talk. You should speak actions. Lead the way. Make light of every situation, don't kiss her ass (unless, literally) and remember the important thing is how you feel. And you should be free, content, adventurous, unapologetic and polite, a civil animal.